Right Then, Here’s the Plan

I am completely failing at WFMAD this month. The girls “need” me. Pete and I went out of town. Play dates with friends. Back-to-school shopping. Laundry and dirty bathrooms. Carowinds. Etc.…

Instead, my plan is to WFMAD next month. Well, the end of this month into next month. The prompts don’t expire. I’ll just take it a day at a time, a month behind.

That way, I can stop feeling guilty about this. I will continue to squeeze in time for writing between now and then, just like last year at this time, while I wait to get these girls out of my hair off to school.

Bear with me.

Check back in a week.

Legitimacy and Randomness

How does it happen? How do you get to that point where you don't feel like a kid or a wannabe when you say, "I'm a writer"?

How do you write a compelling bio or query/cover letter when you still feel like you should be saying, "When I grow up, I'm going to be a writer"?

How am I supposed to find time to clean the bathrooms and fold the laundry and cook dinner and take everyone to the dentist/doctor/groomer/vet/soccer and still read and write as much as I'd like to? Maybe if I leave 2 hours early for carpool...

I submitted a very short story (I know it's called flash fiction - I just like very short story better) to AROHO's Orlando contest because they didn't ask for a bio (and because I like the idea of AROHO). That makes 3 things on my submissions tracking spreadsheet.

It's raining, and I'm supposed to be baking.

Ups & Downs, as Expected

Here we are, Day 5 of the New Year, Day 2 of my New Schedule. How's it going, you ask? Well...

There are Ups: Yesterday I worked for 2 hours on my children's chapter book and made real progress.

There are Downs: Today I realized that while I know how it ends, I don't quite know how to get there. Also, all of my writing today in general was disappointing. My Inner Creator was napping, apparently. My Inner Editor was awake, though, and cranky! Maybe she'll wear herself out and take tomorrow off...

There are more Ups: Yesterday, I started reading One Year to a Writing Life: Twelve Lessons to Deepen Every Writer's Art and Craft by Susan M. Tiberghien, and I didn't get all the way through Chapter 1 yet because every other page or so, there is an exercise. I love that! I thought that it would be read-the-chapter-do-the-exercises-at-the-end, which would have been fine, but practicing as I go is a way better choice for me.

The first lesson is about journaling, a thing I admit I do not do on a regular basis. What?! you exclaim, How can you be a writer and not keep a journal?! Well, I suspect that has something to do with not believing that I know how, and, being Me, I just didn't do it, rather than risk doing it wrong. Funny thing (and you probably know this), the only wrong way to keep a journal is to not keep a journal. But yesterday I wrote an entry (about what tools I'd like to have to help with my writing) and I chose an image from that entry (a space of my own) and I expanded on that image (including windows with sunshine and a door that closes) and I drew a mandala of that expansion:

(I am not an artist...)

I am looking forward to finishing the chapter today.

I can't think of any more downs. Except maybe I need more time allotted for housework. But an hour is 60 minutes more time than I had been doing so I think I'll keep it for now.

How are your resolutions going?

I Wrote this Yesterday

Old Mother Befrigerator (<-- that's me)
Went to the refrigerator
To pack her sweet girls some lunch.
But there was no more
So she went to the store
And and bought yummy things to munch.

It's okay for you to groan out loud. You won't hurt my feelings. I will confess to muttering, "Ouch," after I wrote it. I will not confess to using a rhyming dictionary to come up with the 4th line. That is a nasty and unfounded rumor!

What I learned yesterday for NaNoWriMo:

• Everyday things are going to take time away from my writing, but I can still sit for an hour and get something done.

Day 3 Word Count: 7,044!

That puts me a little behind, but as soon as I throw the whites in the machine, I'll be getting caught up. I am hoping to top 10,000 today...

Explore This Feeling with Me

Recently, I've been thinking it would be nice to have another baby.

WHAT?! you say. We thought you were done having babies?

I am. For a couple of reasons. Husbandguy and I really feel like our family is complete. Two children is enough for us. You know? Also, when I had Lulu, I told the doctor (12 dozen times) that yes, indeed, I was certain I wanted my tubes tied. So having another baby would not be a simple and natural thing for us anymore. We would really have to want it and it could end up being expensive and ultimately possibly disappointing.

This last is the thing that is keeping me level-headed about all of this. I realize that I don't actually want another baby. I remember that I loved being pregnant both times (I was very lucky to have easy pregnancies) and I adore those sleepless nights with a newborn who can be soothed by simply swinging on your shoulder while you talk on the phone or in your arms while you doze in the rocker or across your chest while you wash dishes. I wouldn't mind another chance to try nursing again. Third time's the charm, right? But as wonderful as all of these things are, we made the choice 4 years ago to not go through it again. We had good reasons (beyond not being outnumbered), and they are still very valid.

So what's the deal? Why the feeling?

The answer to that question is found, I believe, in my reaction to Pete struggling to find motivation at school earlier this year. I told her that if she didn't shape up and take some responsibility, I was going to pull her out of the school she's been going to for the past 5 years and home school her.

Ah Ha! you say. Right? No? Nobody? Okay then. Here it is:

This whole empty nest thing is getting to me! It's lonely here without my little monkey. For 4 years I had at least one child with me most of the time, learning, laughing, whining, pestering, making crafts, making messes, just generally amazing me every day. And even when Lulu started preschool and both girls were gone, it was only for a few days a week for a few hours at a time, barely enough time to do a load of laundry, let alone feel lonely!

Here I am now with all this time for writing and introspection and housework, things I've wished I had time for for years (well, maybe not the housework). And I'm loving the writing part of it. So far it's like being pregnant was for me - a little uncomfortable at times, but mostly easy, with the joy of something growing in spite of me (but absolutely not inside of me). The housework hasn't quite figured out how to fit itself into my schedule - if my housework was Pete's school work, we'd be home schooling. But the introspection! Oh man! I have never talked to myself this much ever, I don't think. At least not since I was 5. And I suspect that 5 year-old me was way more interesting than 36 year-old me is. Yikes!

Seriously. Yikes!

It's good, though, that I see this urge for what it is. It's good, too, that I get how difficult it would be to act on it anyway. It's also good that I confessed my feelings to HG because maybe, just maybe, instead of a baby, I can get a laptop and get out of this place and write somewhere else.

Laptops are less expensive than babies.

----------------

On another note:

My Day 2 NaNoWriMo word count is 5,021. A good solid number. More than halfway to the point where I gave up 2 years ago. At this rate, I will reach and surpass the dreaded 10,000 word mark before the weekend!

What I learned today:

• Full credit for this lesson goes to Charmaine over at Wagging Tales. In her Day 2 post, she reminded us that making changes to text already written wasn't a good idea time-wise and suggested that we simply make the change going forward and make a bold note of it so we can retrofix it later (that word works, right?). For example, I realized today that the character I had been calling Abigail for the past 4 pages was actually named Iris. I had written Abigail so many times, though, that to go back and change all the occurrences would have taken a lot of time and completely interrupted the flow of my writing. Instead, I made a note to myself right in the text that said, "ABIGAIL'S NAME IS ACTUALLY IRIS" and went on with the story using the name Iris. And what I learned is that I should visit Wagging Tales every day before I start writing. Thank you, Charmaine.

Today I Am Wondering

• How to make a boring dialogue-driven story into something compelling to read.
• Whether the story is actually compelling.
• If it is possible to lose talent!
  
• Whether we've scheduled Pete for too many activities this fall (it's really only Tuesdays that are full...).
• Why it has to be 90º+ after Labor Day.
• Whether 2 Honey Buns and 3 cups of coffee is really a good breakfast.
• Whether Lulu's potty regression is only because of all the changes in her little life or if she needs a doctor.
• Whether Pete's warts will clear up before her self esteem suffers and/or before Follies.
• Who's going to clean this house.
• Why I'm not motivated to work on my story (maybe see the first bullet...).
• What I could work on instead.
• How to work on the computer but stay offline.
• Will our "free" roof really be free?
  

The Girls' Rooms

It's a mess.
It's a total mess.
I can't step one toe in,
And I protest.
It it not my job
To pick up your crap.
Can't I just close the door
To this death trap?
I'm going in.
I'm up to my chin.
You may never see me again...

Does This Happen to You?

Dryer-ready wash -
It's not found inside the fridge.
Pay attention, girl.


(a haiku in rhythm only)

Pete Says:

Yesterday I did something a little different when I cleaned the toilets.

Later in the evening, Pete came up to me, clearly concerned, and said, "Mom? My pee is blue..."

(On the plus side, I know that she knows that she can talk to me about anything!)

Pete Says:

The other day, Pete was looking for her black pants in a pile of laundry I was folding. When she found them, she noticed a little bit of grey fuzz on one leg. She dropped them back into the pile like they were slimy and this happened:

Pete: Ew!
MN: What's wrong? Oh, that's just lint.
Pete: It's yucky!
MN (brushing lint off pants leg): It's just a little lint from the dryer. See? It's coming off.

Pete (looking for something else to wear): I don't look good in lint.

MFI*

Warning Prepare yourself for a supremely boring post.

Where Have You Been? I am sorry I have been absent from the blogosphere. I hope you haven't abandoned me. I've been a little busy. Just a little...

On the Market We're selling our house. We spent last week (with Nana and Poppop's help) making it look like a model home. Well, as much as a house lived in by a family of 4 can look like a model home. We did a fantastic job, too. Our house looks awesome. Now if only someone would come look at the awesomeness...

Our Next Home Yesterday we spent some time looking at neighborhoods on the other side of town. I have been hesitant to actually look at houses because I didn't want to find the perfect one and not be able to get it since we still have to sell our house, but there is this one neighborhood that several homes for sale sort of in the area we are considering, and on the map it looks like it's right next to the highway (it is) and we wanted to see what effect that had on the neighborhood (just a little noise). While we were over there, we looked at another neighborhood nearby that we liked better (it has sidewalks!) and walked through a couple of open houses and really liked one and want it and now need our house to sell ASAP because the agent said they're taking the one we like off the market next week if they don't get any offers.

That's That See? Boring. I told you.

A Sad Off-Topic Remember my friend Dawn's puppy Cosette? She apparently has a liver defect and isn't going to make it. I am very sad about that. Poor puppy.

Anyway, I'll try to do better about writing now that we're done cleaning out the house. It would help if Poppop's crappy computer guy would give us our computer back.

*Missing From Internet

And then? There were these pigs? And they all had wings!

Clean? Really? Nuh-uh! I should have taken a "before" picture because the "after" photo is way more impressive if you know what it was like... um... before. Let me try to paint you a picture instead. Close your eyes. NO! Wait! Don't do that. That won't work. First, read and memorize this description and then close your eyes. See how there is carpet on the floor, all around the bed, even under the window? Imagine, if you can, that you cannot see the carpet. Instead what you see everywhere is one big pile of dolls and paper and blankets and animals and books and teenytiny toys. In some places, the pile is 2+ feet deep. Now imagine that the carpet has been MIA for weeks, no, for months. I had stopped going in there, really. Since I couldn't get to the bed, Pete hadn't had sheets on her bed in weeks. I gave her the sheets and told her I'd help her put them on if she cleaned up enough for me to get to the bed. See now? It's all made up. See? And it only took about 3 hours of work to find the carpet!

Buried Treasure We found all kinds of stuff in there. Pete's been complaining that she doesn't ever have any pencils to write with. We found a shoebox full. One at a time, we found them and put them into the shoebox. We found raisins and lollipops and ew. They have all been thrown away and the no-food-in-your-room rule has been reiterated. Speaking of throwing away, we found 2 kitchen-size trash bags full worth of trash.

What Happened? So why the sudden change? After months of living among the mess, why did Pete decide now that her room needed to be cleaned? This: Husbandguy and I bought the Hannah Montana Season 3 Soundtrack and put it on a high shelf in our closet and told Pete she could have it if she cleaned her room. That's not exactly a bribe, right? Because we probably would have gotten it for her anyway at some point. But it was her idea to actually do it. She got up yesterday morning and said, "Mom? Would you help me clean my room today?" and I said yes and then we sent HG and Lulu away and dove in. When we finished, Pete wasn't all give-me-my-CD-now like I thought she'd be. She just seemed satisfied that we'd finished her room. In fact, it was several hours before she even asked for it.

Basking Each of us, Pete, HG, Lulu, and I, have found ourselves wandering around in Pete's room, enjoying the clean just because we can. Pete's pretty proud of herself (I am too) and looked a lot better rested when she emerged this morning than she has all summer. Who knows how long the clean will last. I'm going to try to remind her to put her things away, but it's really up to her.

Comments from People Who Saw the "Before"
the Grandpa said: "That can't be her room!"
Moomie said: "Good thing you took a picture!"

De-Evolving

Remember I mentioned before that I believe cleaning is not good for a person; I mentioned it a couple of times. Turns out it might be hazardous to your intelligence too. I realized yesterday, while I was cleaning, that my lips were dry and I was very thirsty. And then I realized that I always get that way when I'm cleaning. Then I realized that I was breathing almost exclusively through my mouth. And isn't "mouth-breather" a term that a person might apply to someone they felt was less evolved than everyone else? So I'm not going to clean any more (except washing and drying but not folding clothes) because I don't want you to call me that.


*Sorry I've been MIA recently. It's been nuts since school ended. I promise to do better and hope you don't remember this post from a while back...

A Tribute? (not a poem, certainly)

Black Fuzz

What is that?
Didn't I just vacuum that up yesterday?
How can there be more?
Where is it coming from?
It wasn't there all day...
Until he got home...
And took off HIS SOCKS!
Ew.



April is National Poetry Month so, in honor of that, several other writers and I are posting a poem-a-day for the whole month. If you decide to post a poem too, let me know and I'll post a link so we can all read it.

One Less Sippy Cup for Lulu

This morning, Lulu was playing in the play kitchen and reached into her microwave and pulled out a sippy cup. A sippy cup that wasn't empty. And had clearly been in the pretend microwave for a while. Ew! I'm not sure what had originally been in the cup, but whatever is in it now is solid, yellowy-orange, and has mold on the top. Like Dial soap with fur. Apparently we need to do a better job searching for dishes when we clean the real kitchen. Or be better about encouraging Lulu to return her dishes when she's done. Needless to say, I'm not interested in cleaning the cup (or experiencing the smell when I take the lid off to clean it) so we now have one less sippy cup. Oh well.

2 Declarations, a Confession, and a Wish List

Hi! I'm ready to tell you these 2 things. I believe I am actually committed to these 2 things.

• THING 1: Lulu is Potty Trained. She has accepted that Pull Ups are only for sleeping in and abandoned her lunch yesterday for an unprompted potty break. She needed to go and she went. And now the Grandpa will babysit for us!
• THING 2: I don't eat pigs or cows anymore. I had hesitated to mention that I was considering this before now because I wasn't sure I could do it, but I've been red and other-white meat free for a week now and am really enjoying it. HG and the girls are not with me on this. Well, they support me. But they're not joining me. That's okay. It's not about them. For the moment I still eat poultry and fishy-things. Baby steps, I say. Although I've had several meals in the past week that were totally animal-meat-free. Eventually I should be able to declare myself a vegetarian, but I don't think it will be so easy to become a vegan. I like dairy too much.

And now I must confess that I had pudding for breakfast this morning. Rice pudding. Actually brown rice pudding with maple syrup and vanilla. Homemade of course. That's okay, right? It's breakfasty.

Now for the wish list. I would like to have:

• berry bushes in my yard
• a food dehydrator
• a rice cooker (because I never get it right on the stove top unless I use the boil-in-bag kind, which are actually very convenient for rice pudding cravings)
• many, many yummy, high-iron, meatless recipes (if you've got those, will you share with me please?)
• another visit with the Grandpa and Meme (I'm working on that - the snow days, all 3 of them, are making it hard to plan).

I hope your day is productive and healthy. And fun! Now I'm going to go vacuum. WHO AM I?!

Random Catch-Ups

My little family was computerless for nearly 4 days this week. That's why I've been absent from the blogosphere. Did ya miss me? What?! Not really? Fine. Here's what you did miss while I was away.

* Lulu is almost exclusively wearing panties now. She sleeps in a Pull-Up for naps and at night, but when she's up and around she wears tiny underwear. I am nearly ready to declare her potty trained (when she says she is, I agree, but I'm not saying it yet without the word "almost"). Here's some evidence that she probably is mostly there, though. Also, I know you love my poopoo stories... The other morning, before she got dressed, when she was still wearing her nighttime Pull-Up, she disappeared. When I heard the toilet lid, I calmly said, "Whatcha doing, kiddo?" because 2 year-olds and toilets are sometimes not a good mix. Her answer? "Poopin' in the potty," like that was what she always did. I peeked into the bathroom and she was wrestling out of her footie jammies. Then she sat on her little potty and made a big poop and I gave her 2 jelly beans (before breakfast) because I was so proud! She's done it a couple of times since then, too, but that was my first big hint that she's really ready for this finally.

* A couple of days ago I had something in my eye. I noticed it first in the morning so I did a lot of blinking and holding my hand over my eye so I didn't lose my contact and eventually the feeling went away. I assumed it was an eyelash. Later that evening I felt it again in my eye and went into the bathroom to check it out. After a few minutes of poking around I noticed something sticking out of my eye. It was ¾" of HAIR. Like from my head. And when I pulled it, it just kept coming. I had a 2" hair in my eye all day!! Um, ew? I almost threw it away but couldn't resist showing it to Husbandguy. He was characteristically unimpressed.

* My house is cleaner than it was when the computer left us on Monday morning. WAAAAY cleaner. Apparently I waste a lot of time sitting at this desk on a daily basis. I made a list of the things I did each day so I could refer to it next week when I'm tempted to revert to my old habits and sit here all day. The living room has been clean SINCE MONDAY and IT STAYED THAT WAY ALL WEEK! And the laundry is folded and put away. Did you hear me? I said it is PUT AWAY. HG is loving it. I like it too. PhD and I discussed me making myself a star chart, like the one I made Pete, that says that I can sit at the computer for an hour or whatever as long as I've finished this and that thing around the house...

I bet there are more things to report, but I've got work to do. Besides, what would I write about later if I post it all now?

Reboot

You know how when you get back from vacation it takes a day or 2 to get back on track? That's what I'm doing today. Rebooting. Here's my list.

• Get everyone dressed and off to school/work. (check)
• Go to the grocery store. (check)
• Go to Target for cat food and Pull Ups.
• Pick up the dog (more about that later).
• Unpack.
• Do laundry.

It might not look like a lot, just 6 things, but Husbandguy would say that it's not getting done with me sitting here. So check back later... Or tomorrow...

Giving

Yesterday, Pete graciously unwittingly gave a bunch of toys and books that she has outgrown to her sister. When I cleaned her room.

--------------

My family, at least a large part of it, has decided that Christmas is only for children and that the grown-ups don't need gifts. I understand this - it's easier, less expensive, blah, blah, blah - but that doesn't mean I'm happy about it. Honestly, I like to get presents. I also like to give them. There is joy in either action. But I'm fine with it, I suppose. I wouldn't mind too much if Husbandguy's family ever gave me anything. Christmas with them for me is like watching someone else's family open gifts. I know I'm whining. It just sucks that I have to twist Moomie's arm to convince her to let me give them a fruitcake.

De-evolving

Remember I mentioned before that I believe cleaning is not good for a person; I mentioned it a couple of times. Turns out it might be hazardous to your intelligence too. I realized yesterday, while I was cleaning, that my lips were dry and I was very thirsty. And then I realized that I always get that way when I'm cleaning. Then I realized that I was breathing almost exclusively through my mouth. And isn't "mouth-breather" a term that a person might apply to someone they felt was less evolved than everyone else? So I'm not going to clean any more (except washing and drying but not folding clothes) because I don't want you to call me that.