The Itsy Bitsy Monkey

Here's the Rub

2011-09-15T15:39:00.000-04:00

The problem, at least for me, with submitting is that there are only so many no's and not-for-us's I can handle before my insecurity smothers my creativity.

This Post Is Not About Writing

2011-09-13T09:45:00.001-04:00

I am tired! Holy smokes! Who knew? Who knew that after 5 years of non-employment (because I wasn’t unemployed), adding 20 hours to my already 24/7 job as a mom would kick my rear?! And I’ve only worked 8¾ hours of my 20 this week!

But it’s wonderful. In a way that I want to take a nap now and then tell you about work later, but I’m going to go ahead and tell you now because I have mom things to do. We’re out of milk again.

My first day was Sunday. I didn’t even work 3 hours, and I was completely wiped out afterward. My job supports the Religious Ed program for youth at my church, and Sunday was the first day of RE for this year, and everybody needed something. Parents, teachers, visitors. The office was, several times, full of people in those 2¾ hours. Fortunately, there were 2 other people there helping. I guess they didn’t think they should leave me alone on my first day. I handled it, though. People came to me and said, “I need [this].” and “What do I do with [that]?” and “Where do I find [these]?” and “[This] is broken.” To which I responded, “I’ll bring [this] to you,” and “You can give [that] to me,” and “[These] are over here,” and “I will fix [this] and bring it back to you.” I was awesome!

Except I wore the wrong shoes. I knew there was a chance I’d be running all around and up and down stairs and in and out of doors so I wore my clunky Mary Janes, stable but still dressy. They were fine for running around in except for the fact that they’re HOT. So my feet didn’t get tired, but they sure weren’t comfortable. Next week, ballet flats!

It was Super Fun. I left that afternoon and left a to-do list on my desk, which included tasks from data entry to storytelling. I couldn’t wait to get back and do them. I’ve never had a job where I couldn’t wait to go in and tackle my to-do list. NEVER!

Yesterday I worked all day (ish, 6hrs). I knocked the data entry off my to-do list and added a different data entry to-do, was given a ton of new tasks (including posting the podcast! and creating a how-to manual and quick reference guide for my position). The part I was least comfortable with was covering the front desk while our fulltime admin went to lunch, but I managed. It helped that nothing happened while she was gone…

I love my job! What’s that quote about finding a job you love and never working again? That’s me!

Here’s Something You Don’t Think About Until It’s Done…

2011-09-09T07:49:00.001-04:00

Listen, you guys. Keep this in mind, okay? You totally cannot UNDO sending your manuscript off for other people to read. I mean, I suppose you could follow up with a note saying, "Don't read that!" but that's probably discouraged, right?

Just wanted to warn you.

Stupid Cover Letter

2011-09-08T10:33:00.002-04:00

Seriously, people! The body of my cover letter is literally 6 lines long. And that includes the blank lines in between the 1-line paragraphs!

Is this right?

Back to Writing! In a minute… After I do these other things…

2011-09-08T09:52:00.001-04:00

School started, you know, 2 weeks ago. I was sooo looking forward to it for several reasons. First, I’m not an Automated Entertainment Machine with Super Fun Activities in my back pocket, just waiting for 5 or 9 year-olds to get bored; I’m sorry, but I’m not. Second, I do not enjoy refereeing the fistfights that ensue when 5 and 9 year-olds (girls!) are bored. That didn’t happen often, fortunately, but once is too many times.

And third, and this is the big one, with everyone gone to school and work, the house is quiet and nobody needs me and I can write! Also, edit. Or so I thought…

Turns out, now that everyone else is elsewhere, I’m also needed elsewhere. In the last 2 weeks, I’ve spent… Well, let’s just do the math.

14 days in 2 weeks minus 5 weekend/holiday days = 9 days for writing, right? Wrong. 9 writing days minus 5 days of volunteering at the school = 4 writing days (already down 10 days here…). But then, and this is all on me, I know, I spent 2 days doing churchy things. One day I had an interview for that job, and even though the actual interview, including driving time, was only an hour, the day was pretty much lost to anxiety and getting ready. The other day, yesterday, I spent volunteering at the church, doing work that would have been done by the person who left and made a job available. That was just the morning and early afternoon, but then I needed to go grocery shopping so my girls would have milk to drink and wouldn’t have to buy school lunch (ick!).

So: 14-5-5-2=2. Two days. I think I’ve been busier since school started than I was before.

And yet, now that I think about it, I’ve written and revised a poem, edited a chunk of the first chapter of my Tallulah MS, Googled picture book agents (anyone have any recommendations?), and journal-ed almost every day.

Never mind. Being busy is good for my writing, apparently.

(Quick addendum: I got the job. I start Sunday. It’s only part time and so will leave plenty of time for writing.)

Query Letter

2011-09-01T15:01:00.004-04:00

By any chance, is one of you a literary agent who represents picture book authors? If so, can we meet for coffee or something and I'll just hand you my manuscript and we can skip the whole query letter thing? I'll buy the coffee. I have a Starbucks gift card.

It would be helpful for you to handle early-reader chapter books, too.

So. Many. Words.

2011-08-30T14:33:00.001-04:00

My book has too many words.

I think I mentioned that I turned Lulu’s adventure last fall into a children’s chapter book, didn’t I? I can’t find the post where I did. Hopefully I mentioned that I finished it. Sort of…

But it has WAAAY too many words. How can that be? Right? Words are good. Right? Except when you’re writing for young readers. You know.

And all those words? They’re intimidating! Especially when they’re all gathered together into one 62 page (!) document. It’s double spaced with annotations, but still. SIXTY-TWO PAGES! 17,386 words!!

You are going to be unimpressed with my solution to the problem of feeling overwhelmed by the word count. I have… and don’t say anything if this was obvious to you – I’m still recovering from the forced hiatus that was summer vacation… I have discovered that the best way to cut down the word count is to copy each paragraph, one at a time, into a blank document and edit it by itself and then copy it back into the original document. It feels way less immense to do it that way.

And then, once I’ve compressed each paragraph into something vastly more readable, then I can go back and make it all interesting.

I am hoping to have the first 3 chapters done by mid October so I can read them to Lulu’s class. Her teacher was intrigued when I mentioned my project. It would be fun to have a captive audience!

Here’s a Poem

2011-08-26T15:10:00.003-04:00

The Old Piano

Once I am sure there's nothing going on
I step inside, letting the door thud shut. *
Dust swirls up from the broad slat floor.
It dances in streaks of dim sunlight
From clouded windows, twirling toward
The upright in the shadowy back corner,
Pulling me toward the upright in the back corner.

The keys are covered by the mahogany lid.
I write “PIANO” with my finger in the dust
Then erase it with my palm and regret it.
I wipe the grime from my palm onto my blue jeans,
Leaving a gray-tan streak, and uncover the keys.

Everyone plays middle-C; I choose A.
The hammer strikes the old string,
Which rings, twangs, groans, plunks.
The note pulses in my ears, through the piano,
Vibrating the other A strings,
Through the room, swirling with the dust.
I add C# but then play C instead.

I look around for a bench, a stool, a chair.
I see a 3-legged stool that should have 4.

My fingers find the notes I know in my head.
The honky-tonk tone of the neglected strings
Dissolves as the music surrounds me, fills the room.

I wish I could say that the music makes the dust clear
And the sun shine brighter through the windows.

When it’s finished, the last chord rings
Until it is muted, swallowed by the gloom.
I close the cover on the keys,
Letting it thud shut.

* The first 2 lines are from "Church Going," from The Less Deceived by Philip Larkin (Marvell Press, 1955)

That’s Some Bad Hair, Harry

2011-08-25T14:13:00.001-04:00

Have you ever gotten a bad haircut? The kind where you’re just miserable and want to hide from everyone until it grows out? It’s awful!

I had been wondering since that day mid-winter when the city had been shut down from snow/ice for 3 days and I cut my bangs in a frenzy of stir-craziness, whether I might want all of my hair short. So early his summer, I got my hair cut off. I didn’t do it right, though. I went to one of those places where the cuts cost $13, and… well… You get what you pay for…

I swear the stylist got bored or something in the middle of my cut and just gave up because my hair wasn’t remotely even anywhere on my head. There were places she clearly neglected to cut. But I didn’t know this while I was still there to tell her to fix it or to ask for another stylist. It was so different from what it had been and I mistakenly trusted that she knew what she was doing, and I left with what turned out to be a huge mistake. HG said I should go back and make her fix it, but I wasn’t letting her touch my hair again. I spent $45 getting it fixed by a stylist I trust, but even that wasn’t exactly right. He left it too long in the back and too short on the sides, all mullet-y and wrong. I found myself saying to people who complimented me on my new look, “Thanks. I’m growing it out.” Or something along those lines.

The worst part was, though, that I didn’t believe my hair looked good. It startled me every time I looked in a mirror, and being a Person of Very Small Self-esteem, I spent all my time trying to hide it or fix it and waiting for it to grow. It was awful. It was way more consuming than it should have been.

Then Pete decided she wanted a new do. She had cut her hair into a cute bob back in May for Locks for Love and wanted something more interesting. Having had the experience I had with the $13 stylist, I took her to my $45 stylist to get it done. If it was that bad for me, imagine how my poor 9 year-old would have handled a hatchet job! Since I was still wishing my hair was different, I made an appointment for me too and we went together. Before we went, we spent time looking at hairstyles and deciding what we really wanted. We printed pictures and took them with us so he could see. And when we got there, we looked at one of the hairstyle books he had and found even better choices.

The result was that he was able to finally fix my hair in a way that I really like it. It is still on its way to growing out. But now I LIKE it!

Pete, on the other hand, had 4 or 5 pictures of what she wanted and spent a lot of time with the stylist picking and choosing what she liked from each and ended up with a one-of-a-kind, self-designed hairstyle that she loves and that looks Super Cute and very grown up on her.

Lesson learned: I do not want a short cut. Remind me of that if I ever say, “Hey, I’m thinking about cutting my hair off. What do you think?”

Right Then, Here’s the Plan

2011-08-18T11:22:00.001-04:00

I am completely failing at WFMAD this month. The girls “need” me. Pete and I went out of town. Play dates with friends. Back-to-school shopping. Laundry and dirty bathrooms. Carowinds. Etc.…

Instead, my plan is to WFMAD next month. Well, the end of this month into next month. The prompts don’t expire. I’ll just take it a day at a time, a month behind.

That way, I can stop feeling guilty about this. I will continue to squeeze in time for writing between now and then, just like last year at this time, while I wait to get these girls ~~out of my hair~~ off to school.

Bear with me.

Check back in a week.

Workin’ 9 to 2-ish, a couple days a week

2011-08-11T14:40:00.001-04:00

That title totally works with the “Workin’ 9 to 5” tune. Sing it out loud; you’ll see.

I just saw a blurb in a newsletter about the job I applied for. It said this:

“The Administrative Assistant will support the CYRE program, our Director of Music, general office operations including bookkeeping, podcasting and an increasing number of unpredicted tasks.” [emphasis added]

I was a little put off by the doom implied by the last phrase. Wouldn’t you be? Maybe other candidates will reconsider sending their resumes when they read that, thereby allowing me to stay firmly ensconced at/near the top of the list. We’ll see. Some people are all challenged and inspired by stuff like that.

Oh well. Wish me luck. And if I don’t get the job, wish my friend Kate luck.

FROGS!! (eventually…)

2011-08-10T10:30:00.002-04:00

Earlier this summer, Husbandguy scooped a Copes Gray Tree Frog out of the girls' pool and returned it to the creek at the bottom of the hill. Later that day, when I went out to change the froggy pool water, I found these.

All over the pool. Apparently, Mama T. Frog left her family behind when HG relocated her. The girls both decided that seeing what happened with the eggs was more important than swimming in the pool, so we left them. Until someone wanted to see our house (which is never going to sell) and we had to take the pool down. We went out and bought these and scooped up the teeny tiny tadpoles to come live with us.

We got 2. This one is Lulu’s. Each habitat had dozens of little swimmy creatures in it, each with its own food supply still stuck to its belly (they start out with a little ball of yolk). Eventually, they needed food from other sources, and we were misinformed and fed them the wrong thing so they ate each other.

OMG, Bel! you’re thinking. Why are you telling us this Tadpole Horror Story?!

They’re not all dead/eaten. We still have 3 good sized tadpoles left. Oddly, these little guys seemed to get bigger overnight, the same nights that a number of their brothers and sisters disappeared.

We had more than that when Pete and I left for DC, but HG could only find the 3 when he changed the water while we were away. But I digress…

Copes Gray Tree Frogs make a LOT of noise. Click here to listen to what our backyard sounds like at night (that’s not actually our backyard…). We will be letting them go when they find their voices because as beautiful as the sounds of nature are, I like to sleep.

For now, though. We’re boiling lettuce (the right thing to feed them) and waiting for leg buds and giving them fresh, de-chlorinated water every other day.

Oh, and last night, Lulu and I discovered a planter full of water and TADPOLES on the patio. I was soooo tempted to scoop them into Pete’s critter keeper and watch them grow. Instead, I called HG, and he and Lulu carried them down the hill and let them go in the creek. I’m nuts. I’m not crazy.

WFMAD, day 8

2011-08-08T16:56:00.003-04:00

Last year, I missed the beginning of WFMAD because the girls and I were at the beach with Moomie. Plus, I didn't know about it until I got back from the beach and looked up LHA's website.

This year, I missed a few days because I was in DC and VA with Pete. My beautiful cousin (who apparently reads my blog but never COMMENTS!) got married this past Saturday. Pete and I took advantage of the location and met the Grandpa a few days early and spent some time touring the Smithsonian Museums. Pete had never been to DC so I gave her her choice of things to do (see the monuments, go to the museums, tour the White House, a combination of those, etc.). She picked the museums, and there are plenty of them to fill up 2 days. It was fun. We rode the bus to the Metro station and then rode the Metro to Federal Triangle and then walked and walked and walked and walked all around. Pete was totally comfortable with the public transportation stuff. She'd be a great kid to live in a real city with.

Oh, we did visit one monument, the Washington Monument. Pete put her hands on it. When I asked her what it felt like, she said, "Stone... And history..."

And my cousin's wedding was wonderful. They did a great job of combining Catholic and Jewish traditions. I'd never danced the Horah before! Pete had a great time, too.

Plus, now my cousin and my new cousin live super close to HG's parents, which isn't far from here!

But anyway, I'm back on track with WFMAD. I might even take some time and try some of the ones I missed if I get a minute. Or 15... I'll share a little if I write anything worth sharing!

(And remind me to tell you about the job I applied for...)

WFMAD

2011-08-01T19:54:00.003-04:00

Per Laurie Halse Anderson's encouragement, I'm writing fifteen minutes a day again this month. I did it last year too. You can probably find some of my stuff if you click the "writing" tag and go back a year...

You should WFMAD, too. The boost your creativity will get from just writing 15 minutes is totally worth it!

Rejection!

2011-07-30T16:02:00.001-04:00

I've been rejected before, but this morning I got my first official rejection letter. It said:

Thank you for the opportunity to read "Garage". After much consideration we have decided to pass on this submission.

However, your work came really close, and we'd really love to see more of your work as soon as you have some to send us.

We look forward to reading you again!

That's awesome, right?! I am definitely keeping it. :)

I'm All Full of Myself so I'm Sharing This

2011-05-07T17:14:00.002-04:00

We had a writers' meeting for that little show I like to do with my church in the fall, and only the director, one other writer, and I were there. It's my job to keep everyone informed about what happens at the meetings, and I was kind of annoyed by the lack of writers, so rather than send out my usual pdf of the minutes, I sent this:

Guys! Come on! I asked you 4 weeks ago when I sent out the notes from the last meeting whether or not you'd be able to make it this morning and NOBODY responded that they couldn't be there until it was too late to reschedule. As it was, it was a very productive meeting, at which each of you who weren't there were given 7 Very Challenging Assignments, and they are all due this Monday. However, only Dot, Mic, and I will be receiving copies of the notes I took so you'll just have to guess what your assignments are if you want your names in the credits.

I am going to doodle you all about the next meeting. If you don't know what that is, let your imaginations wander while you wait for me to doodle you. Then write all that down and hand it in; maybe we can use it in the show. The doodling will be a separate email with a very obvious and specific subject heading so you can't claim you didn't know what it was.

At today's meeting, Mic uncharacteristically did not give a Follies History Lesson, but we did spend some time talking about my new tattoo. So, way to go! You missed that! Of course, it's permanent and obvious, so I suppose we could revisit it if you want...

Also at today's meeting, it was determined that we need everyone to finish their assignments and begin sending them out. We started off like wildfire but seem to have fizzled waiting for people to write stuff. Mic has given us the opening scene and the lyrics to the opening musical number. Scott W. has given us a very workable Real Gays of Mecklenburg Co. Dot suggested "One" from "A Chorus Line" for the closing number and the FTV theme. She has taken on the task of rewriting it as "Hug," which was chosen as the f-word replacement. Anyone else got anything? Let's get this hugging show written so we can cast it and film the stuff that needs filming for the video segments, which I will edit with my fancy video software that can slow down and speed up and make it look all film-grainy and whatever. "Film-grainy" is too a word.

Oh, and the scene for the kids will be a mixture of Phineas and Ferb, GA, the Democratic Convention, and Disney's new movie, "Prom." Probably.

To sum up:
1. Hand in your assignments NOW.
2. Respond to the Doodle when it comes and
3. Come to the next meeting.

Thank you all for your inattention.

You know you wish you were coming to see this.

Up To My Ears

2011-04-26T11:17:00.002-04:00

Busy as a
Bee, I have got
A full plate of
To-do's to do.

OMG, Mom! Go away!

2011-04-26T07:41:00.003-04:00

Don't try to hide it.
We all know you're
That crazy lady who
Sits in the hallway
Outside children's choir practice
With tears in her eyes.
And whispers, "They're so good!"
To anyone nearby,
Despite the mortification
Of the 9 year-old
Mini-clone
Of your husband
Inside.

Just You Wait

2011-04-21T10:29:00.002-04:00

You think I forgot
But I did not.
Next week, I'll be hot
And post a lot
Of poems to get caught
Up.

It's Spring Break for my girls and the house is all caddywhompus because HG is painting the great room and his parents were here for 3 days and I've fallen behind, but I've been thinking about you every day!

No Monsters Allowed

2011-04-15T11:50:00.004-04:00

The monsters formally asked,
When the bigger little girl came along,
Requested an all access pass
To scare her all night long.

As her mother, of course I said, "No."
I banned them all from our home.
I told them that they had to go,
Spectre, beastie, and gnome.

When her imagination started to play
And kept her awake full of fear,
I was able to truthfully say
Not a single monster was near.

And because I'm the mom, it was true
No monster ever could stay,
And when we had sweetie number 2
The monsters still had to obey.

Oh, sure, they begged for reprieve,
For me to repeal the harsh rules.
I stuck to my guns. They must leave!
So long all you demons and ghouls!

Try it, when your babes feel a scare
And things go bump in the night.
Tell the monsters to get out of there.
Mom says NO to the fright.

-------

'Strue. 'Tworks. Our house is a monster-free zone.

Lo siento por mi español

2011-04-14T20:08:00.002-04:00

"Se escapó dos veces."
Seriously.
Two times.
They were out.
We caught them
And put them in your yard,
And they got out again,
Just so I would have to
Figure out how to say,
"Your dogs are in our yard,"
In Spanish.
Sus perros desafíeme.

mediocrity

2011-04-13T20:17:00.002-04:00

I am a little bit good
At a lot of things
But at nothing am I a pro.
I can do a little of this
And a little of that
But expertly? Probably, no.
Because of this trait
Of knowing a little
People are often impressed.
They are struck by the fact
I know something they don't
And don't wonder if I am the best.
It'd be nice, I do think,
To have some expertise
In even one occupation.
If I knew A to Z
About just one thing
I'd be deserving of their ovation.
But no. It's not so.
I have to confess
I have no special mastery.
I'm a little big good
At numerous things
Without great proficiency.

---------------

Oh my! I actually worked hard on that one. It's terrible, but I wrote it!

Musing

2011-04-12T13:27:00.003-04:00

When Lulu was very little, it seemed like I was constantly inspired to wax poetic for or about her. I referred to her as my Little Muse; I saw poetry in her asking me to read to her or in how much she makes me think of my grandma; I made up little rhymes about changing her diaper or the fact that she didn't eat anything except ham and/or ketchup for a period.

Now she is all grown up. She's almost 5, and while she still amazes and challenges me every day, I don't seem to be as likely to bust-a-rhyme about/for her as I was. What gives? What am I missing? What have I lost? And how do I get it back?

-----------------

NPM, day 12

Resignation

This is my formal resignation.

With great emotion,
I must announce
That I am Resigning.

I find myself no longer able
To wear the blinders
Of over-extension
And self-absorption
Necessary for this occupation.

I resign myself to
Sunny mornings in the backyard
And afternoons on the swings
And baking pies and cookies
And tying shoes
And braiding pigtails
And bedtime stories.

I encourage you
To accept my resignation
And to do the same.

Thank you.

More Poetry Elsewhere!

2011-04-11T21:29:00.002-04:00

Check out Kelly's poetry quickfire over at My Voice, My View. She signed on to do that A to Z thing and hasn't had much time for poetry. I suggested she do "P is for Poetry" but she decided not to wait! Yay, Kelly!!

---------------

Squirrel

Pawing at the glass
Desperate to get out there
Quick! Open it! NOW!

I feel important

2011-04-10T21:42:00.002-04:00

Oh that this feeling will last
Beyond this day,
Beyond these moments,
And not fade tomorrow
In a haze of indifference
And spiteful words
And hopelessness.

Spring

2011-04-09T22:45:00.001-04:00

Fluorescent green
Hot pink
Bright white.
Nature's trying on
Bathing suits.

Almost Tomorrow

2011-04-07T22:48:00.000-04:00

nearly eleven
it is almost tomorrow
where did thursday go?

Haiku-ish

2011-04-06T19:34:00.002-04:00

Butterflies and bees
Swarm the yellow-black spider
And its zig-zag web

Interconnected

2011-04-05T20:52:00.005-04:00

by Thich Nhat Hahn in The Heart of Understanding

In [one of the Buddhist sutras] there is a very short passage on how the world has come to be. It is very simple, very easy to understand, and yet very deep: “this is, because that is. This is not, because that is not. This is like this, because that is like that.” . . .

We are not separate. We are inextricably interrelated.

--------------------

Likeminded

The difficulty, he says,
If you're going to be inclusive,
Is that you have to include everyone,
Even the one who says
'You're wrong and stupid and
I hate you for it.'

The ideal, she responds,
Is that the one who says,
'I hate you,' would desire
To coexist with you
Anyway, would understand
That we are all connected.

They nod in silent lament
For the Other
Who just doesn't get it.

Fourth Day of Poetry

2011-04-04T19:19:00.002-04:00

April the fourth
Fails to bring forth
(i.e. to the fore)
The much hoped for
Poem four.

Seems a little early to out of poetry, huh? I am today, though. On the other hand, I wrote a children's story this afternoon. It didn't rhyme or I'd share it...

NPM Day 3

2011-04-03T14:49:00.005-04:00

Last night, the Grandpa proposed an interesting communal poetry idea to me. I'm in. I'll tell you more about it when I know more in case you want in too. Plus, also. that will get the Grandpa back online!

---------------

Energy expended
on endless envisioning
is exhausting.

------------

That's not my NPM poem. I'm just saying.

NPM is below. Remember: NPM isn't about polished poetry...

-----------------

Spring Shower

She's getting soaked to the bone by
Fat, refreshing sundrops, and

Splashing in puddles of light
Shimmering through
Fluorescent green leaflace.

An umbrella would be simply
Useless on a stormy day like today.

Poetic Lulu

2011-04-02T07:29:00.004-04:00

Part of my definition of poetry is using unexpected words to create a novel image for someone. My brilliant Lulu is very good at this. Like the other day, in the car, when she was talking about how her friend J had worn a tie when the Primary classes had their little concert a couple of months ago. She said, "He looked very... romantic." Not a word I would have chosen. Definitely an image I appreciated.

---------------

At this time
Bel is experiencing
Creative
Diffidence...

To Start Us Off

2011-04-01T07:47:00.000-04:00

National Poetry Month again.
A poem a day.
Are you in?

Starting today,
Let's celebrate verse.
Here's my challenge:
Could your poems be worse

Than mine?
Mine rhyme,
Maybe rise and fall
With rhythm,
But sometimes that's all...

-----------------

Hi! It's National Poetry Month again. This seems to happen every year around this time... I am going to honor it the same way I have for the past few years, by posting a poem a day (here are some links: 2008, 2009, 2010). Chances are slim that any of them will be very good, but that's not the point. The time for good poetry is later, after the revising, after April. Now is the time for writing. Wanna join me?

Septembermom over @ My Voice, My View has said she'll participate (Yay, Kel!!). Let me know if you're in, too, and I'll post a link to your blog so we can all share.

Stay tuned...

April Is National Poetry Month

2011-03-31T15:20:00.004-04:00

Hey! Tomorrow is April. I'll be here all month with my half-hearted first drafts: a poem a day for NPM. Tell your friends and write with me. Are you in?

Bel. With a Chainsaw. On a Mission. Almost...

2011-03-03T13:18:00.000-05:00

I have this little document, about 20,000 words or so, with a precocious protagonist (say that 3x fast) and a cute little plot. It is totally appropriate for an early elementary reader. Except for the 20,000 word part. That is about twice as many words as I need.

So picture me, in my lumberjack costume (I'm a lumberjack, and I'm OK!), with my chainsaw, getting ready to clear-cut the holysmokes out of this manuscript. Pretty imposing, right? Now picture Lumberjack Bel sitting at the computer, chainsaw sitting idly on the floor by my chair, harvesting virtual cabbage. Sigh...

I can't seem to get motivated! I think it's because the whole middle is actually part of a completely different cute little plot and needs to be rewritten. It's overwhelming. So I'm avoiding it. You know?

What would you do? What should I do? And don't say, "Just do it!" because I know that! But I'm stuck.

So?

1 Yr to a Writing Life - Chapter 2

2011-03-02T12:35:00.003-05:00

Click here for Chapter 1.

When I was in the 4th grade, I spilled spaghetti off my lunch tray into the milk cooler at school. I remembered this while reading Bird by Bird and had already started to write about it when I read Chapter 2 of that book with the really long title that I'm not going to type because I don't feel like making sure I get it right (so click the link above). Turns out Chapter 2 (month 2) is all about the personal essay. Taking a memory and writing it down and then fleshing it out and then finding the poetry in it. Oh, there is so much poetry in a story about a 9 year-old girl who has just made what seems like the biggest dumb mistake of her whole life! At that moment, I truly believed that I couldn't possibly ever do anything more embarrassing than spill my lunch. To be 9 again...

Now it's March, and time for Chapter 3. Hopefully you won't have to wait until April to read about that!

Oh, speaking of April: April is National Poetry Month, remember? Who's posting a poem-a-day with me? They don't have to be good (mine rarely are!); it's just for fun. And to celebrate NPM! If you're joining me, we should do the whole linkylinktoeachothersblogs thing so let me know!

Have I Lost You?

2011-03-02T12:30:00.003-05:00

I feel like I'm always apologizing for being MIA and making promises to do better. If we were dating, you should dump me. If I were your best friend and you were dating... um... me... Wait. This metaphor isn't working. So let me just say this:

I'm sorry, baby. I'm a jerk. I promise I'll be there for you from now on. Please don't leave me. I need you!

'Kay?

I've Been Thinking...

2011-02-25T15:28:00.002-05:00

Sometimes you're reading a story or a novel or something, and the author has included detailed descriptions of the story's location, the room or landscape or climate. You think, "A Real Writer* gives you descriptions of places in their work." Then later, when you're writing and realize you've just gone 2 or 3 pages without even mentioning if there is a window in the room, you wonder if you're doing it wrong.

But maybe instead the location isn't crucial. If the wallpaper doesn't move your story forward or add to our insight about the characters, does it really matter if it's striped? I don't think so.

* a published writer

-----------------

Don't worry - I intend to post about chapter (month) 2 of One Year to a Writing Life: Twelve Lessons to Deepen Every Writer's Art and Craft by Susan M. Tiberghien. It is about personal essays and inspired me to write about the time in the 4th grade when I spilled spaghetti in the milk cooler. Probably Monday...

Notebook

2011-01-28T20:18:00.005-05:00

I have this Super Cool notebook. It's green with little line drawings of trees. All different kinds of trees. And peeking out from behind one of the trees is Big Foot! You have to search for him because he's tiny. And hiding. I'd take a picture, but I can't find my camera so look here instead. Mine is green. I said that. It has the picture below stuck on it and several Chinese restaurant fortune cookie fortunes that struck me, like "The world will soon be ready to receive your talents" (you know that's true!) and "You will make a name for yourself in the field of medicine" (HG said, "Are they going to name a disease after you?") and "Don't underestimate yourself. Your social skills are needed by others at this time" (very desperate others, apparently!). Also, a fortune appropriate for the career I've chosen to wrestle with, "You will make many changes before settling satisfactorily" (ah... revisions...).

Before I started reading One Year to a Writers Life, this notebook was just randomness and Follies. I mean literally, Follies - it was the notebook I took to the writers meetings for Follies last year. I don't have a good post to refer you back to that isn't from 2009 so I'll just remind you that Follies is the little show a group of talented people puts on at my church every fall, and in 2009 I stole the show and then in 2010 I wrote it and Pete stole it! Anyway, after I started my reading, I decided to make this book my journal and to date the things I write in it and to make them go consecutively from one page to the next instead of just writing wherever the book opens to.

I love my little notebook. I loved it the first moment I saw it and just had to have it. Little did I realize then that this would be My Notebook, my journal, my First Official Journal. Full of images from the ice storm and the sensory garden at the girls' school. Full of whining and complaining about having noplace of my own (yes, I meant that to be one word - Firefox doesn't like it - I don't care). Full of character descriptions and short scenes and, believe it or not, a couple of feeble attempts at plotting (not my thing, not finding those helpful yet). Nope. When I grasped it and wrestled it from the weird basket shelf thing where they keep the notebooks at the store, I had no idea what I would do with it; I just knew it belonged to me and that I could do great things with it. I knew it so certainly that I bought the matching 2-pocket folder.

How sad will I be when it's filled. Well, sad and proud.

And inspired.

I just mean that I hope my next notebook is this cool.

What do you think? Should I buy another one just like it now in case I can't find them when I need my Second Official Journal? Or should I just trust that, when the time comes, I'll be able to find another, perhaps different, equally awesome volume?

(This post was inspired by Charmaine at Wagging Tales. I often find her inspiring...)

Legitimacy and Randomness

2011-01-25T13:39:00.004-05:00

How does it happen? How do you get to that point where you don't feel like a kid or a wannabe when you say, "I'm a writer"?

How do you write a compelling bio or query/cover letter when you still feel like you should be saying, "When I grow up, I'm going to be a writer"?

How am I supposed to find time to clean the bathrooms and fold the laundry and cook dinner and take everyone to the dentist/doctor/groomer/vet/soccer and still read and write as much as I'd like to? Maybe if I leave 2 hours early for carpool...

I submitted a very short story (I know it's called flash fiction - I just like very short story better) to AROHO's Orlando contest because they didn't ask for a bio (and because I like the idea of AROHO). That makes 3 things on my submissions tracking spreadsheet.

It's raining, and I'm supposed to be baking.

Reviving Revising the Dead Bad

2011-01-18T12:29:00.003-05:00

Last year, I spent a long time, months really, working on a story. I wrote it out in my notebook so I could squelch the urge to edit as I wrote. Then I finished it, and when I went to type it up, I discovered that the story was so bad that I couldn’t even stomach pressing the keys on the keyboard (you can read about that here). I did finally get it typed, and then I tried, I tried to breathe some life into it. I read and reread it. I thought about it in the shower, where I get some of my best ideas (why don't they make waterproof paper? - I'm sure I'm not the only one who needs to make notes underwater). I changed the secondary character to someone who would provide more conflict. I poked and prodded and pounded the story's chest. But it was stubbornly lifeless. BOOOORRING... So I abandoned it, left it to fester on my flash drive. Sad, I know, but it had to be done.

Best. Idea. Ever. Leaving it alone. Because, even though I was pretending it didn't exist, my miserable, timid, yawn-fest was always there in the back of my mind, with its glimmer of potential. Then I wrote another story with a similar main character. This new story spawned my Big Project Idea, a collection of short stories about the new character, and when I was thinking about possible stories I could write, I remembered that other poor, lifeless Blah, and I sought it out and pressed Ctrl+H and replaced the old MC with my new MC and it was way better. I had to change the style of the story and the MC's attitude about a couple of things, and I have to rewrite the whole middle. I can't wait!

And when it's finished, I'll have 3 stories in my collection. Maybe I'll throw together a tracker widget for the sidebar there --> so you can keep up with my progress...

Hurdles

2011-01-17T12:37:00.001-05:00

←That’s me . What you can’t see (because I didn’t feel like editing clip art today) is that the hurdle is labeled “PERFECTION”. And in my imagination (because the picture of me leaping over the hurdle isn’t imaginary, right?), under the hurdle is a big puddle of failure.

And the thing about Perfection Hurdles is that they don’t seem to end. Have I lost you? ~~This was my plan BWAH HA HA!~~ I mean, sorry.

Each step in the writing process is a Perfection Hurdle for me. I had to leap the first one (and knock out my inner editor) to finish my manuscript. And now that it’s done and riddled with imperfections, I have to leap another one and accept the fact that the first revision will make my stack of papers better but won’t be anywhere near perfection.

I’m not a track star (or even the slow kid who everyone cheers for because they always finish, even though they’re always last, not yet anyway). And the path full of hurdles is turning out to be kind of daunting. Instead of hurdles, at the moment, I see walls.

So I’m going to do what I do when I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m going to put it off. Just not do it. Because I don’t know how.

The difference, though, between me putting off revising and me, say, putting off calling up to Investments to ask about dividends or some other investing word I’m not certain of the meaning, is that while I’m ignoring this task, I’ll be reading, searching, researching advice, tips, tools from other writers who’ve found themselves behind this particular hurdle.

So? Any advice for me? Got a good place for me to look or book for me to read? Any tricks you use when you’re revising?

In the meantime, I’ll be over here, at the side of the road, retying my shoes.

Pantsing from my Right Hemisphere

2011-01-14T13:23:00.003-05:00

Recently I learned 2 things that I found interesting about me as a writer. Since this blog is about me, and recently frequently about me as a writer, you're going to learn them too.

Charmaine Clancy over at Wagging Tales posted about right-brain vs. left-brain the other day. She included this link, which I immediately clicked and was totally surprised to find that the figure is turning clockwise. For me.* Which way do you see her turning? I always thought I'm a left-brained person, but I suspect that many people would disagree. Including you, dear reader? I'm not good with the abstract stuff right-brained people are supposed to be good at. I like the concrete, the logical, the scheduled, the patterned, the safe. I wonder if she would have been turning the other direction 3 hours ago when I wasn't right in the middle of my creative time. Which is scheduled. And therefore left-brain. Right?

On the other hand, when I write, I find that I am most comfortable when I'm writing by the seat of my pants. I learned recently (after reading Shannon McMahon's interview with Elana Johnson) that this is called pantsing (right brain) and its opposite is plotting (left brain). You can click the word and learn more about it (I had to). Isn't it funny that there's a term for it? I rarely go into my writing with a plan or an outline of any sort. I usually have a vague idea of what I want to say or where I want to start or about what or whom I want to write. Then I just start and write until I'm done. Or dry. Whichever comes first. Even in my college writing classes, where I had to turn in my outline and rough draft with my final draft, I would write the paper first and go back and draw up an outline from it to hand in (sometimes I'd change the paper backwards a little and hand that in as my "rough draft"). I always did very well on my papers. This is why I chose to get a degree in philosophy, I think. All the writing made it easy for me. I didn't learn anything useful, but WOW! can I write!

So now you can say, when you're talking about something brilliant I've said or done (like you frequently do, I'm sure), "My Right-Brained, Pantsing Online Friend Bel said/did..." and no one but us will know what you mean!

*When I concentrated, I got her to switch directions.

Just Wondering...

2011-01-10T17:37:00.002-05:00

Here, in The South, when there is the threat of "winter weather," everyone (except us and our level-headed friends) rushes out to the grocery store to buy milk and bread and eggs. What is the point? I mean, aside from the fact that winter weather here is often ice, resulting in power-outages and no refrigerators and the potential for the shiny new milk and eggs to spoil, why eggs?

Are we supposed to make French toast?

A Scenic Detour

2011-01-08T07:48:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I spent some time working on something for me. Poets & Writers has weekly writing prompts. I've been heavy into prose recently so I took the path less traveled and tried the poetry prompt.

The exercise was to take a favorite poem (by another author), delete every second line, and replace it with something you wrote. After that, you go back and replace the lines you left the first time, and what you end up with is an original poem.

I chose Vespers by A. A. Milne. I love the image of the little boy trying to focus but not quite succeeding. This is what I ended up with:

Hide & Seek

He crawls under the covers to the foot of the bed.
It’s time to be sleeping; he’s playing instead.
Quiet now, like he’s saying his prayers.
Here is Mommy, coming upstairs!

She’s out in the hall, turning off the light.
Is she coming in here to say goodnight?
She’ll never see me. I won’t get caught.
Hide and go seek! Ready or not!

Here it comes now, what I’m waiting for:
I hear Mommy come through my door.
She thinks I did what she said I should.
She won’t find me here, though; I’m too good!

She’ll never guess that I’m hiding in bed.
I’ll keep the blankets up over my head,
And I’ll shut my eyes, and I’ll curl up small.
She won’t see me. Not at all!

Mommy says now that it’s not time to play.
She thinks that I’m trying to run away!
She’s going back out. She didn’t see!
I’m silent and still and she’ll never find me.

Under the covers at the foot of the bed,
Soundless, unmoving, dozing instead.
Mommy picks him up and tucks him in right
And smooths his hair, and whispers “Good night.”

A Milestone!

2011-01-07T10:47:00.002-05:00

You guys, I finished my book! The one I started during NaNoWriMo.

And by "finished," I mean that the manuscript now has a beginning, a middle, and an end. It also has about 3x more words than it should and is riddled with inconsistencies. But it's written!

I think I'll set it aside for a week or 2 before I start revising it. This is a different plan than I had yesterday when I finished it, but now I'm thinking that letting it stew might be a good idea.

Now what should I work on?

Soccer Shots

2011-01-06T14:08:00.001-05:00

One nice thing about living in the South is that it’s not unreasonable to sign your 4 year-old up for soccer in January. I do miss real winter, but Lulu absolutely had a blast yesterday afternoon running and dribbling and making penalty kicks and scoring goals. One time, when the yellow team was headed toward her goal, Lulu took off running toward them and her coach yelled, “Way to play some defense, [Lulu]!” She glowed later when I shared that with Husbandguy.

Also, my little girl is the ONLY girl in this little group of potential future soccer players and she doesn’t mind at all!

Ups & Downs, as Expected

2011-01-05T12:10:00.005-05:00

Here we are, Day 5 of the New Year, Day 2 of my New Schedule. How's it going, you ask? Well...

There are Ups: Yesterday I worked for 2 hours on my children's chapter book and made real progress.

There are Downs: Today I realized that while I know how it ends, I don't quite know how to get there. Also, all of my writing today in general was disappointing. My Inner Creator was napping, apparently. My Inner Editor was awake, though, and cranky! Maybe she'll wear herself out and take tomorrow off...

There are more Ups: Yesterday, I started reading One Year to a Writing Life: Twelve Lessons to Deepen Every Writer's Art and Craft by Susan M. Tiberghien, and I didn't get all the way through Chapter 1 yet because every other page or so, there is an exercise. I love that! I thought that it would be read-the-chapter-do-the-exercises-at-the-end, which would have been fine, but practicing as I go is a way better choice for me.

The first lesson is about journaling, a thing I admit I do not do on a regular basis. What?! you exclaim, How can you be a writer and not keep a journal?! Well, I suspect that has something to do with not believing that I know how, and, being Me, I just didn't do it, rather than risk doing it wrong. Funny thing (and you probably know this), the only wrong way to keep a journal is to not keep a journal. But yesterday I wrote an entry (about what tools I'd like to have to help with my writing) and I chose an image from that entry (a space of my own) and I expanded on that image (including windows with sunshine and a door that closes) and I drew a mandala of that expansion:

(I am not an artist...)

I am looking forward to finishing the chapter today.

I can't think of any more downs. Except maybe I need more time allotted for housework. But an hour is 60 minutes more time than I had been doing so I think I'll keep it for now.

How are your resolutions going?

All the New Stuff

2011-01-04T12:50:00.002-05:00

Holy Moly!

If reading and talking about writing has any effect on being a writer, I'm destined to be a writer really soon!

I told you about the 2 new books the Grandpa and Meme gave me. One is all about practicing my craft for the next year and the other one, which it appears I didn't mention in my other post, is about balancing being a mom and being a writer. I have already packed the first one in my pile of things to bring to carpool (really just that book, my notebook, my phone, and my keys, a little bitty pile...), and the second one is at the top of my to-be-read book stack.

Then yesterday, Husbandguy had the day off. He said it probably had something to do with being more cost effective to give everyone the day after the day after New Years off, since it was a new year, instead of the last day of 2010. Who knows. Regardless, we went out to breakfast after we dropped off the girls and then we did a little birthday shopping for Pete, who turns NINE next Sunday. NINE. More about that later... When we were in Borders I checked out the new issue of Poets & Writers, which the Grandpa gave me a subscription to. It looked really interesting so I told HG that I hoped my subscription starts with this issue (he said we could go back and get it if it didn't), and when we got home, there it was in my mailbox! Yay! More reading. That's folded open on the coffee table to be read while football is on.

And football will be on tonight. Go Bucks!

And then at church last Sunday, 2 other people initiated conversations about writing with me. They brought it up! People know me as a writer!! One wanted advice about self-publishing. I'm no expert on this, but I did have a lot of fun creating a little book for Meme a couple of years ago. It's filled with photos of and poems about my girls. It's really cute (and not for sale to the general public (it needs work)). The other just asked how it was going. I'd say, considering that I just started this in September and was only halfhearted about it for the past month-and-a-half, it's going pretty well. You know?

And today I started my new schedule. I wrote for 2 hours. I made real progress on my children's chapter book that I started during NaNoWriMo and will probably write the actual end tomorrow.

Are you a writer? Or other type of artist? How did you know when it happened that you became a Real [insert artist here]? Was there a blue fairy involved? Or, like me, did you just talk a big game enough that you started to believe it yourself and then everyone else had to too?

I Resolve…

2011-01-02T15:46:00.002-05:00

I have a couple of resolutions this year. Usually I don’t bother with them, but I thought maybe I’d give it a shot this year.

For one, I have resolved to teach Lulu to eat vegetables. My plan is a veggie a month, but I think that if I can get her eating 4 veggies by the end of the year, that will be a success. Right now she eats carrots. That’s it. I have no idea how I’m going to do it, but I’m going to try to get her to eat peas too. Then maybe beans? I also thought I’d try having her grow her own lettuce this spring and see if that makes it more appealing…

And I am resolving to stick to a daily schedule during the week.

(I stuck it to the side of the computer so it would be in my face all the time.) Obviously there will be days this won’t work. Vacation or sick days, for example. But if, when my dad calls and says, “Are you writing every day?” I can honestly answer, “Sometimes,” I’ll consider that resolution a success.

There are other things I’d like to do, run a 5k with Pete, get published and then get published again, clean the house, train the dog. I’m just going to try to accomplish these things, though, and not resolve to do them. That way I won’t fail…

Have you made any resolutions? Or any just-want-to's?

A Silly Thing

2010-12-31T07:42:00.004-05:00

You guys! For, like, a week I've been worried about something. Something small and easily discoverable, but if discovered to be true it would become something big and stupid. So I've avoided discovering it. I'd rather worry that I messed up than know I messed up. Wouldn't you? Because then there is always the chance that I didn't mess up.

I had to know, though.

I had to know whether or not I had neglected to put my phone number in my contact information on the cover letter I sent with my picture book manuscript. Duh! But I honestly couldn't remember even thinking about it until well after I'd mailed the darn thing.

This morning I got up early and chopped veggies so the beef stew could cook for 11 hours on low instead of 5.5 hours on high, and since it was quiet and calm and dark it seemed like a good time to either squelch the worry or learn a lesson for next time. Either way, I could stop worrying. I opened Word. I opened coverletter.docx. I scrolled down to the bottom...

I'm not a doofus. Well, not all the time. And not when I mailed my awesome poem that any publisher would be lucky to have and turn into a picture book for preschool-age children. Now I'll know, when they don't call by April, that it was because they don't love me like they should, and not because they just couldn't find my number.

Nice Christmas. How About You?

2010-12-26T07:11:00.001-05:00

Yesterday, I spent the day with my family. None of us got out of our PJs except Lulu, whose jammies got all wet when she was trying out the new toothbrush Santa left her. She changed into the blue jean leggings I gave her and the SuperCool sweater she got from our CA relatives. She looked way cuter than I did, as she should.

Today, I am spending the day with Nana and Poppop. 'Nuff said.

Can't talk about Christmas without mentioning presents, can I? Maybe you can. I cannot. I need a new bookshelf. The Grandpa and Meme sent me books and books and books and books. Yay for books! I am particularly looking forward to reading One Year to a Writing Life: Twelve Lessons to Deepen Every Writer's Art and Craft by Susan M. Tiberghien. My plan is to read a chapter a month for the next year (because that's the obvious plan, right?). We'll see how that goes. You know me... I also got a SLOW COOKER! A Great Big Slow Cooker. I have one, but it's small and the pot part doesn't come out. My new one (thank you, Moomie!) is 6 qts, has removable stoneware, and came with a tiny baby for melting chocolate or making single servings of soup or something else yummy. If you have any suggestions for what to make in a 1.5 cup slow cooker with just 1 temperature setting, let me know.

I hope you all had wonderful holidays, whatever you celebrate. I know that last year around this time I promised to post more (possibly I even said every day) and that I failed miserably, but this year I have written it into my schedule (a post for another day) so am planning to do better. You too, okay.

Oh! One more thing. You should check out Septembermom's blog Write With Pictures. She posts a beautiful photo every day during the week for you to use as a writing prompt. It's a lot of fun. And, I think, needs way more traffic. Go see her!

Overnight Cinnamon Rolls

2010-12-25T10:25:00.003-05:00

Hello, old friend.
Remember me? We met yesterday afternoon.
You were doughy and smelled of cinnamon.
I was covered in flour.

You have grown some since we were last together.

Can I interest you in a sauna?
It's a very special sauna.
With the butter and sugar you're sitting in,
it will be like getting a tan in a sauna while sitting in a hot tub.
Or a hot caramel bath...
I promise not to let you burn.
See you soon, then. Enjoy yourself.

I will be!

Hi, again!
You look wonderful!
Ooo... You're all gooey...
Mmmm...

I'm afraid you're not going to like what comes next...

At least we, I mean, I have my memories...

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

LL Says:

2010-12-24T16:20:00.002-05:00

A little while ago, Lulu and I were checking Santa's locatioin on NORAD Tracks Santa, and we clicked the video from the Taj Mahal. The voice over said, "This video was captured..." and Lulu gasped and cried, "Santa was captured?!"

Pete Says:

2010-12-23T15:10:00.003-05:00

The other day the 4 of us piled into the car for the hour+ drive to Moomie's house. We were about halfway there when Husbandguy said, "There's Santa on a motorcycle."

Pete said, "Where?!" We showed her and she said, disappointed, "Oh. I thought you said Nana on a motorcycle."

Remember When?

2010-12-22T08:12:00.004-05:00

Hey! Remember when I used to blog about my kids? Remember "Pete Says:" and "The Name Giver"? Remember when I used to post cute little poems about lost teeth and not wanting to nap (I sent that one off as a potential picture book, by the way...)? I should do that again!

Um...

Oh! I've got something it's a Pete Says:

Pete has had her picture taken with the same Santa since she was almost 2 (same mall, same man, very good at his job - and he's also a civil war reenacter! - I don't know how to spell that...) This year she is almost 9. So she's just the right age to, you know, be in on the secret of the Mall Santas. Know what I mean? Last year she made a comment that made me think she might be suspicious about the true identity of the person who leaves her gift under the tree, but she only said 1 thing and never mentioned it again. This year I asked her if she talks about Santa with her friends and she said, no, that they don't believe in him anymore.

I asked her what she thinks and she said, "You told us that the Santa we see at the mall is the real one and all the others are his helpers so I believe that."

On the one hand, it's fun to be the Santa for another year. On the other hand, it would also be fun for her to be in on it and be my partner in crime creating the magic for her sister. But, it's not my place to tell her, and I got one more super cute Santa picture with both of my babies this year.

Hi there!

2010-12-15T15:26:00.002-05:00

Have you missed me? I admit I was concerned that you might be tired of me whining about my writing all the time so I took a break. Unfortunately for you, I'm back, and I don't have anything else to write about except writing...

I currently have 2 rejections pending. I know rejection is a big part of being a writer so I thought I'd go ahead and get started on it. For 1 of my submissions, I wrote a cover letter. That was, I believe, more difficult than writing the original piece had been! It's craziness, I tell ya! I did it though, and if I don't hear back about it by mid-April, I'll be able to add 1 to my rejected tally.

Whoa! This post is really negative. Sorry.

The positive side of that is that I've had practice now with cover letters and won't be so thrown by the next one. Hopefully...

Does this happen to all writers?

2010-12-07T10:26:00.002-05:00

I was feeling glowy and proud of this story I wrote.

Then I submitted it somewhere.

Now it seems trite and shallow and unpublishable, and I can't read it anymore.

I'm pretty sure I'm on my way to my very first rejection for several reasons, but not because the story isn't good. It is, and I will be submitting it other places too.

Once I get out of this inadequacy funk I'm in.

I Can't Do It

2010-11-19T11:02:00.002-05:00

Apparently, self-imposed deadlines like NaNoWriMo, where nothing is at stake but my confidence and pride, aren't enough motivation for me. Especially when I can say I accomplished something, even if it isn't the 50,000 words necessary to "win" NaNo this year. Instead of slogging along, writing for the sake of word count, I'm going to start editing the first Tallulah Blue story and gathering ideas for the next and the next.

Because you guys are so supportive all the time (thank you!), I know you're not going to beat me up about this, and don't worry, I'm not beating myself up about it either. I'm proud of what I accomplished. NaNo was good for me this year, even if I didn't win. Maybe next year, I'll go into it even more prepared and get to the end. Maybe not. We'll see. Next year, you do it with me?

--------------

And while we're on the topic of writing (not that I write about anything else these days), please visit Shannon's blog (http://shannonmcm.com/). She's got this cool anonymous critique thing going on where writers can post their work anonymously and we can give feedback in the comments. She posted her first volunteer yesterday (it's not me). Check it out!

Almost

2010-11-16T13:22:00.004-05:00

NaNo word count: 26,033. I'm a little behind the NaNo suggested word count and quite a bit behind where I'd like to be, but I'm on track and can totally get caught up. Apparently I'm not good at writing from beginning to end because today I had an idea about how to add some conflict to my first Tallulah story so I just started writing that one again. The second one is completely tension free, too, which is why I flaked out, I think, but hopefully my brain is working on that behind my back and will surprise me with an awesome tension-filled gift of an idea. Come on, brain! I love surprises!! Please don't make me wait until Christmas.

Not a NaNo Day

2010-11-15T13:00:00.003-05:00

Maybe I'll feel inspired later, but this morning, all I could muster was about 1,000 words for a total of 23,814. What I'm writing now isn't working for me. It is meandering and without tension. Do you think it would be okay to completely change direction again? I am definitely not writing anything beginning to end here. My best hope, I think, is that I will have enough material when December rolls around to patch together a couple of editable pieces, kind of like a Frankenstein's monster kind of thing, only prettier and for children.

Maybe I'll get away from the computer and try to write a sort of outline...

NaNoWriMo, Day 12

2010-11-12T12:18:00.002-05:00

Word total? 12,599. Next time I write, which will probably be Monday, I'll be halfway there! Appropriate, considering that Monday is the 15th...

I suppose I could have written one more word to make the total round, but I'm enjoying the uncertain, teetering-on-the-edge-ness of the 99. It's satisfying. Not comforting. Just satisfying.

Maybe I AM a Writer!

2010-11-11T10:58:00.004-05:00

Those of you who write for a living or who haven't just recently discovered your creativity in a dusty shoe box under the bed (so, like, all 4 of you?) probably won't be impressed by this, but I found it thrilling and so I'm going to share.

Yesterday the family and I piled into the car and went to the mall in search of Pants for Pete. On the way home, a story started writing itself in my head. It seemed to have potential so I took a moment to get the first few sentences down when we got home. Then, since Lulu had fallen asleep in the car and Pete had gotten right into her jammies and watched TV with Husbandguy and I wasn't needed for anything, I kept writing. All the way to the end! Guys! I haven't done that in years, just sat down and written a story from beginning to end.

Of course, the story is terrible. Everything I write is terrible and rough at first, but it was (like I said) thrilling to come away from the computer with more than just another idea. And it's good in its terribleness with all the potential and everything.

------------------

So you know, I may or may not have time to increase my NaNoWriMo word count today. Everyone is home from school/work, and our drains stopped draining this morning (a thing which may or may not be the result of an absentminded mistake on my part) so NaNo might not get Wri-en today. It's okay. I have the whole rest of the Mo.

Day 10

2010-11-10T12:42:00.002-05:00

Hi. I'm running out of interesting things to share about my NaNo adventure so I'll just tell you my word total and then share something cute that happened in the car this morning.

Word total: 20,103. (woohoo!)

Cute thing: Lulu was singing a sweet song she learned in RE (religious education - it's like Sunday school without the Jesus - unless they're studying Christianity...). I don't remember the words, but after singing it about 14 times she asked Husbandguy to sing with her. Because he's a ~~stick-in-the-mud~~ ~~man~~ engineer, he said he'd rather just listen. She told him that he didn't have to do the hand motions, he could just sing. I was driving and commented that I didn't realize there were hand motions, that I couldn't see them since I was driving.

Next thing I knew, Lulu was singing again, and in my rear view mirror I could see tiny hands doing the hand motions to go along with her song. Awww...

My monkey has always been a problem solver.

NaNoDayNine

2010-11-09T12:06:00.002-05:00

17,588! Whew! This is fun.

I have to admit that today I just stopped writing the first story and moved on to the second. The first one doesn't really have an ending, but I know that it is finished and will figure out how when the writing is done. Does that make sense? There wasn't any more to write about Detective Tallulah so I just stopped. I've moved on to Tallulah planning Thanksgiving, which is again based a little on real life. My monkey provides me with great material! Thanks, monkey!!

NaNo Day 8

2010-11-08T13:53:00.003-05:00

I didn't write over the weekend and I spent the morning at Lulu's school reading with 4 & 5 year-olds so I'm not as much ahead as I was, but I'm still getting there.

My Day 8 word count is 14,295.

I'm 800 words short of where I'd like to be today, but I can make that up in a day of focused writing. What I wrote today is just awful, but it moves the story forward.

What I learned today:

The quality of my writing will apparently vary immensely from day to day, but I remember that that is what editing is for.

Now you say, "Duh. Didn't you already know that?"

Nobody commented on my excerpt...

Day What? Day 5 Already?! (an excerpt for you!)

2010-11-05T13:03:00.005-04:00

Today when I emerged from my NaNo daze at 12,634 words, I felt like skipping. Yesterday I mentioned the many-branched growth that is my NaNo word collection, and which I was uncertain would yield anything coherent. Remember? I was asking myself how my character would go from being left behind in her classroom to being sent home sick to taking a trip to the mall with her mother to finding a mystery to solve, and today the mystery presented itself. The Good Dad side of Husbandguy showed up in my text today and solved that problem for me. Here's a taste:

Ducking down behind the arm of the couch, Tallulah pulled out her magnifying glass and peered at her father. He was blurry so she stood up just a little and looked closer. He still didn’t seem to notice her. Whatever was on the news must have been very interesting. Tallulah held her magnifying glass over his arm and peered closely at the hairs there. Then she made another “cursive” note in her notebook. Standing up more, Tallulah peered at her father’s ear. Ears look weird close up, she thought. He still didn’t notice her.

“Hmmm…” Tallulah said, squatting down to write in her notebook again. Then she stood back up to look at her father’s ear some more and was surprised to find his eye where his ear should be.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” he said loudly and suddenly.

“AAAAA!” Tallulah was startled. She fell backward onto the floor, dropping her notebook. Her father laughed. “Daddy!” she said. “Did you know I was there?”

“I did,” he confessed. “What are you doing looking in my ear? And where did you get that hat and the magnifying glass?”

“From Mommy,” Tallulah answered. She picked up her things and climbed up on the couch next to her father.

He took her notebook from her and looked at it. “I can’t read this!” he declared. “Is it some sort of code? What did you write about my ear?”

“It’s cursive?” Tallulah said. “Duh?”

“Oh. Cursive?” her father said, taking her magnifying glass and looking again at Tallulah’s notebook. “I see… Well, I still can’t read it. You better not have said anything bad about me in there.” He tried to look stern, but Tallulah could see that his eyes were laughing.

“Of course not!” Tallulah told him. “You’re Daddy!” She took her magnifying glass back and looked at him through it. “I’m a detective. Detective Tallulah! Do you need any mysteries solved?”

Tallulah’s father raised his eyebrows. “Mysteries? Hmm… I don’t know… Are you a good detective?”

“Yes!” Tallulah declared. She told him about discovering the way the pictures in her books were made and the dirt on the counter at the mall and the sales lady’s giant eyeball, but she didn’t know if that counted as a mystery. “So?” she said to him. “Any mysteries? You can hire me!”

“Hire you? I don’t know. How much do you charge?”

Tallulah hadn’t thought about that. “I’m free!” she announced.

“Free? I think I can swing that,” her father said. “Although you won’t make much money if you solve all your mysteries for free.”

“Good point,” Tallulah said. “The first mystery is free… Then after that…” She thought about it and said, “After the first one, it costs eight thousand dollars!”

“Wow!” her father exclaimed. “That’s steep! You must be good. I hope I don’t need more than one mystery solved.”

“Steep?” Tallulah asked.

“Expensive,” her father said.

“Okay, maybe not that much. Let me think about it. The first one’s free…” she coaxed.

“Right!” her father said. “I know just what mystery I need solved.”

Tallulah took out her notebook and flipped over the top page to a blank one. “Go ahead,” she said, her pencil ready to write.

“When I got home today after work, I changed my clothes like I do every day,” Tallulah’s father said. Tallulah didn’t think this part needed to be written down so she waited. He continued, “I took off my shoes and my work socks, which are black, and I went to the bathroom.” Tallulah still didn’t hear a mystery so she still waited to write. “When I came back from the bathroom,” her father concluded, “one of my socks was gone from where I had left it on the bed. Can you help me find it?”

There was the mystery! Tallulah wrote in her notebook with real letters this time. She wrote, FIND DADYS BLAK SOK. “Got it!” she said, jumping down from the couch. Then she stopped. This was a real mystery. She wasn’t sure where to start.

“What’s wrong?” her father asked.

She didn’t want him to think she couldn’t solve his mystery so Tallulah said, “Nothing. I’m thinking.”

“Okay,” her father said. “Good plan!” He smiled at Tallulah and then went back to watching the news. “Let me know when you find my sock.”

“You’ll be the first to know when I solve your mystery,” Tallulah answered.

It's cute, right? Remember, it's very raw, completely unedited, permission-to-suck stuff, but it gives my story some continuity. I was pleased. This is good. And it helps that I know how her search is going to go and made a big bold note of it at the end of my document, since chances are good that I won't get much time for writing this weekend. I'll have a starting place on Monday.

I'm a little concerned about something new, though. What if my story is finished before I reach 50,000 words? It's for elementary age children, just starting to read chapter books, like a Junie B. Jones sort of thing. I looked it up, and it seems that 50,000 words is actually about 10 JBJ books! Hmm...

So today's lessons:

Keep writing. It does work itself out in the end.
Keep writing, even if you end up with 4 or 5 books in the end (that's my answer to my new concern)!

Are you using my lessons for inspiration? Just wondering...

Day 4 Word Total: 10,188!

2010-11-04T13:55:00.002-04:00

I'm all caught up! I'm all caught up!

And I managed to write 3,000+ words in spite of laundry and lunch out with Husbandguy! Go me!!

What I learned today? Good question...

I guess I learned that it really is important to just write. If you get hung up on the fact that your story seems to have too many branches going out in all different directions, you might use that as an excuse not to write it, but if you just go with it, one of 2 things will happen: either they'll all come together in the end into a beautiful tree that children will want to climb while their parents picnic in the shade or they'll just keep going awry until you've got a gangly, precarious mess of text that may or may not be useless. NaNoWriMo is about that, I think! It's called Permission to Suck. For real.

I Wrote this Yesterday

2010-11-04T09:50:00.003-04:00

Old Mother Befrigerator (<-- that's me)
Went to the refrigerator
To pack her sweet girls some lunch.
But there was no more
So she went to the store
And and bought yummy things to munch.

It's okay for you to groan out loud. You won't hurt my feelings. I will confess to muttering, "Ouch," after I wrote it. I will not confess to using a rhyming dictionary to come up with the 4th line. That is a nasty and unfounded rumor!

What I learned yesterday for NaNoWriMo:

Everyday things are going to take time away from my writing, but I can still sit for an hour and get something done.

Day 3 Word Count: 7,044!

That puts me a little behind, but as soon as I throw the whites in the machine, I'll be getting caught up. I am hoping to top 10,000 today...

Explore This Feeling with Me

2010-11-02T13:09:00.002-04:00

Recently, I've been thinking it would be nice to have another baby.

WHAT?! you say. We thought you were done having babies?

I am. For a couple of reasons. Husbandguy and I really feel like our family is complete. Two children is enough for us. You know? Also, when I had Lulu, I told the doctor (12 dozen times) that yes, indeed, I was certain I wanted my tubes tied. So having another baby would not be a simple and natural thing for us anymore. We would really have to want it and it could end up being expensive and ultimately possibly disappointing.

This last is the thing that is keeping me level-headed about all of this. I realize that I don't actually want another baby. I remember that I loved being pregnant both times (I was very lucky to have easy pregnancies) and I adore those sleepless nights with a newborn who can be soothed by simply swinging on your shoulder while you talk on the phone or in your arms while you doze in the rocker or across your chest while you wash dishes. I wouldn't mind another chance to try nursing again. Third time's the charm, right? But as wonderful as all of these things are, we made the choice 4 years ago to not go through it again. We had good reasons (beyond not being outnumbered), and they are still very valid.

So what's the deal? Why the feeling?

The answer to that question is found, I believe, in my reaction to Pete struggling to find motivation at school earlier this year. I told her that if she didn't shape up and take some responsibility, I was going to pull her out of the school she's been going to for the past 5 years and home school her.

Ah Ha! you say. Right? No? Nobody? Okay then. Here it is:

This whole empty nest thing is getting to me! It's lonely here without my little monkey. For 4 years I had at least one child with me most of the time, learning, laughing, whining, pestering, making crafts, making messes, just generally amazing me every day. And even when Lulu started preschool and both girls were gone, it was only for a few days a week for a few hours at a time, barely enough time to do a load of laundry, let alone feel lonely!

Here I am now with all this time for writing and introspection and housework, things I've wished I had time for for years (well, maybe not the housework). And I'm loving the writing part of it. So far it's like being pregnant was for me - a little uncomfortable at times, but mostly easy, with the joy of something growing in spite of me (but absolutely not inside of me). The housework hasn't quite figured out how to fit itself into my schedule - if my housework was Pete's school work, we'd be home schooling. But the introspection! Oh man! I have never talked to myself this much ever, I don't think. At least not since I was 5. And I suspect that 5 year-old me was way more interesting than 36 year-old me is. Yikes!

Seriously. Yikes!

It's good, though, that I see this urge for what it is. It's good, too, that I get how difficult it would be to act on it anyway. It's also good that I confessed my feelings to HG because maybe, just maybe, instead of a baby, I can get a laptop and get out of this place and write somewhere else.

Laptops are less expensive than babies.

----------------

On another note:

My Day 2 NaNoWriMo word count is 5,021. A good solid number. More than halfway to the point where I gave up 2 years ago. At this rate, I will reach and surpass the dreaded 10,000 word mark before the weekend!

What I learned today:

Full credit for this lesson goes to Charmaine over at Wagging Tales. In her Day 2 post, she reminded us that making changes to text already written wasn't a good idea time-wise and suggested that we simply make the change going forward and make a bold note of it so we can retrofix it later (that word works, right?). For example, I realized today that the character I had been calling Abigail for the past 4 pages was actually named Iris. I had written Abigail so many times, though, that to go back and change all the occurrences would have taken a lot of time and completely interrupted the flow of my writing. Instead, I made a note to myself right in the text that said, "ABIGAIL'S NAME IS ACTUALLY IRIS" and went on with the story using the name Iris. And what I learned is that I should visit Wagging Tales every day before I start writing. Thank you, Charmaine.

NaNoWriMo Day 1

2010-11-01T13:22:00.002-04:00

I almost forgot that today was the first day of NaNoWriMo! Luckily I remembered in plenty of time to drag myself away from whatever mind numbing waste of time I was doing in time to knock out 2000+ words before Husbandguy got home for lunch.

Today I learned:

My audience is even younger than I thought.
Lulu's adventures do translate into cute stories.
Today I am able ignore the little voice in my head that says, "This is too terribly simple. That character should have a name. You should go back and write what she was feeling right now instead of going on. Etc." Turns out there's another voice in my head that knows those things can wait.
If I get to write every day, I will need to write 1700 words a day to win NaNoWriMo. Since I don't get a lot of time to write on the weekends, I am shooting for closer to 2500 words a day. Today it was easy. Tomorrow?
The NaNo website is busy at 1:30 in the afternoon on Day 1.

Oh hey! How was your Halloween? Me? I'm glad it's over. Halloween is my least favorite holiday. Followed closely by Valentine's Day (that was the day I was diagnosed with MS, but I still like to make cards for my girls).

It Feels Like Cheating

2010-10-25T11:39:00.002-04:00

When you're in the swing of things and you're writing like you should be and words are appearing on the screen and your story or whatever it is is getting plumper and you're not stopping every 5 seconds to check your frontier, it feels like cheating.

You know?

Because you're working, but it's not work, and it's stimulating and fun.

It will be a different story when blockage occurs (not "if," when).

YA Fiction and NaNoWriMo

2010-10-22T13:20:00.003-04:00

Hi! I'm back. Follies is done for now. Sadly, they didn't want me to create the video for the DVD version so I'm all what-do-I-do-now and stuff.

Pete, by the way, was awesome in the Follies. She had ZERO stage fright, although she was nervous, of course. She spoke up and didn't miss a cue and got a ton of applause just for her. She wants to do it again. I am loving this.

While the Grandpa and Meme were here for the show, they gave me their notes on the story I was working on. The other one that I wrote a long time ago. They had some good things to say and some great advice. They thought it seemed more like young adult fiction than adult, which I hadn't considered before. But when I did, it made sense and opened up a whole new path for me to take. I considered working on it for NaNoWriMo, but it is against the rules to have anything written (other than an outline or some notes) before November 1 so I'm working on it between now and then.

Then, when November rolls around, I'm taking a break from all of my current projects and trying something new. A couple of years ago when I did NaNoWriMo, I didn't make it. I quit part way through. I gave up at just under 10,000 words. I do that, give up, when it looks like I'm going to fail at something, because for me it's better to not try and not fail than to have that failure on my record. I'm a chicken.

bawkbawkbawk

I'm ready to try again, though. I may not make it to 50,000 words. Especially considering I'm going to try to pull something completely new out of my hat. But I have an idea (inspired by Lulu's recent adventure) and I have in mind some books I've read recently (The Graveyard Book, the Series of Unfortunate Events books) that I enjoyed and a new audience (YA) to consider so I am hopeful that I'm not a total nut job. And I admit to having written 109 words to help get me started because I don't want to sit down on November 1 and go, "Duuhhhhh..." (drool). That would be unproductive. And gross.

How about you? Do you have a novel floating around in your brain that you just haven't had the time or motivation to write? If you sign up, let me know! We can be writing buddies.

And also, I'll be sharing the joy that is my NaNoWriMo adventure here with you so check back!!

Listen to This

2010-10-14T11:13:00.003-04:00

Lulu: Mom, how do you spell "air"?
Me: You mean like the air we breath?
Lulu: No. "Air" like in "Mary."
Me: Oh. A-R. Then you need a Y to make the ee sound.
Lulu (writing): A - R - Y. Mary. Bloody Mary.

!!!

Me to Husbandguy: Why is my 4 year-old writing about Bloody Mary?
HG: Apparently someone told her a ghost story at school.
Me: Oh...
HG: I told her it was a drink so she would go to sleep.
Me: You're a good dad.
HG: She thinks it's silly that people make drinks with tomato juice and celery.

Kids. In a Box.

2010-10-12T07:00:00.000-04:00

Last Friday, Pete and I packed sleeping bags into the trunk and gathered our toothbrushes and headed out to the church for a soup-kitchen-style dinner and a loooong night of sleeping in a cardboard box on the playground. It was supposed to be similar, for the elementary children, to what a homeless person might experience. Since the weather was nice (clear with temps in the 50s), it turned out to be a lot more like camping than homelessness, I am sure, but the point of the night wasn't to cause our children to be miserable (that comes when they're in high school and do the cardboard city in December); it was to stimulate discussion about homelessness and what we can do to help people who don't have homes. That part was a success! For our family, at least. Pete and I are exploring the social justice volunteer opportunities through the church and will be participating in as many as we can (after Follies). I intend to include Lulu in as much as I can too. She was too little for sleeping in the boxes, but she had a lot of questions about soup kitchens when we were talking about it beforehand.

Some other nice things happened at the event. Pete made 2 new friends. Unfortunately they go to the late service and we go to the early one so she won't see them much, but it was neat to watch her make friends. This seems to be an area where Lulu excels over Pete, usually. Maybe she's rubbing off on her.

Also, Pete played the prelude for the little worship service we had after dinner. She played Für Elise. Beautifully, of course. And even let me turn the page for her without seeming all embarrassed that I'm her mom. I got to ring the gong, but Pete's piano was prettier.

I did not sleep. It didn't help that someone decided that Friday night would be a good night for some Midnight Leaf Blowing. What was that about?! I'm not kidding, though. Someone nearby was using a leaf blower in the middle of the night. Also, 2 trains went by on the tracks near the church. There was only 1 emergency that required a siren nearby. No wild or stray animals wandered by our boxes. Although there was a giant cricket thing in my box when I slithered in to go to sleep. It was hideous! I'm not a fan of bugs. And Pete didn't walk in her sleep. I was mildly worried about this. She, in fact though, fell asleep fairly quickly and stayed asleep all night. That was nice. In the morning she was even rested enough to go to her swimming lesson at 8. We stopped for coffee and a pastry in the way (she had a smoothie, not coffee) and then met Husbandguy and Lulu at the pool.

And then later? After real breakfast?

I took a nap.

Oh! I'm So Behind!!

2010-10-11T10:54:00.003-04:00

I am so sorry! I am so behind in my blog visiting and commenting. Please don't give up on me. As soon as I finish the giant powerpoint presentation for the Follies (which includes converting one more DVD to video, a process that takes a long time with StupidVista), learn all my lines and the rest of the songs, finish putting together my props and costumes, clean the piano room and my room and the bathrooms, and do the laundry (and then clean my room again because it will all end up unfolded in baskets on my floor unless I do something with it once it's washed), THEN I promise I will visit each of you and stay to chat for a while. I PROMISE!! PLEEEASE DON'T LEAVE ME!

Brain Scan!

2010-10-08T16:41:00.004-04:00

Every 2 years, my neurologist likes for me to have an MRI. That, there, to the left, is an image from my last one 2 years ago. Weird, right? I actually think it's kind of cool. Although, if I had to see an actual head transected like that, not just an image, I'm not sure I'd still think it was cool.

Today was my this-year one. Just like last time, my MRI was done in a trailer behind the building. It's strange to go outside for a medical test, but I think it would only be a problem if we were having a hurricane or tornado or something.

MRI's are boring; it's not like you can read a book when they're scanning your brain. And loud; they gave me ear plugs (actually, they put them in my ears for me, which was weird). And not particularly comfortable because you're not allowed to move. I passed the time trying not to get dizzy from laying on my back so long. And counting the knocks and bangs and boops and buzzes. And discovering that I have a song for the Follies memorized. That song then played in my head for the remainder of the time, even when I was thinking about other things. It was like a soundtrack. It was there while I wrote the beginning of Lulu's story. It was there while I relived the woman stabbing me in the arm again and again trying to inject dye (there are only so many times a person can say sorry and expect a gracious response - she used hers up and then some - although I didn't fault her - I just didn't excuse her eventually). It was neat (the song, not the stabbing). My brain can multitask. Even while it's being bombarded by resonance!

So that's done for another 2 years. Well, once I find out what it showed. And pay the couple-of-thousand-dollars we'll owe for it...

More About Lulu's Abandonment

2010-10-07T21:29:00.003-04:00

I asked Lulu a bunch of questions about what happened when her class left her behind. Because I think there's a chance this could be a really sweet story. And I found out this:

When she came out of the bathroom and was all alone she:

started to cry,
stopped crying and walked around the classroom,
she didn't step on anyone's work (she goes to a Montessori school, remember?),
then she sat in the "thinking chair" and thought about what to do (this is my favorite part),
she realized she knew where they were and decided to just go on her own,
she looked for a hall pass to the cafeteria, but there wasn't one so she just went without,
she walked all by herself down the LOOOOOOONG hallway,
and managed to beat her class to the cafeteria because they had taken the scenic route.

My child is very proud of herself. As well she should be.

Aw! My baby!

I Know You're Jonsing for a Story Update

2010-10-06T11:36:00.003-04:00

I am so unmotivated to work on this. It doesn't help that there is plenty of other stuff to work on for the Follies. And that there was a big to-do recently about closing my girls' school (it's not going to happen - whew!). And that Husbandguy's parents were her a week-and-a-half ago and the TV was on constantly, making it difficult to focus, since it's just on the other side of the room from the computer.

But I have printed it out and fumbled with it in the carpool line while I wait for my children so progress is being made. Sort of. You know, the kind of progress where a week and a half go by and four sentences get changed. Still, it's progress...

And also, I'm working on other stuff. I thought Lulu's abandonment experience might be a cute tale. We'll see...

Sorry. I'll be back for real after the Follies is done.

Oh! That Kid!

2010-10-05T12:47:00.004-04:00

While I was eating my lunch today, Lulu's teacher called and left a voice mail. Husbandguy was there while I listened to it and looked alarmed when I gasped, but as the message went on I realized that he should really hear it for himself and just held up my wait-a-minute finger instead of explaining. Here is what the message said:

Lulu was in the bathroom before lunch, getting ready to go with the class to the cafeteria. While she was still in there, the class lined up and left. They left! They left my baby all alone in the great big empty classroom and went on to lunch!! Obviously it was an oversight. They are very careful, usually, head-counts, double-checks, etc., but somehow Lulu's absence from the line got overlooked. I was shocked, of course, and am very appreciative of the phone call. We'll be talking about this at the parent-teacher conference coming up, but come on. I'm sure Lulu isn't the first child to ever get left behind (physically, not academically).

Anyway, the message continued: When Lulu came out of the bathroom and realized she was alone, did she wait there for someone to find her? Did she cry or scream or give up? Of course not! She's my Lulu!! That kid gathered herself together and walked alone down the hall, the long hall (her classroom is at the end of the farthest hallway in the school) to the cafeteria and found her teacher. She then explained that she was "scared" when she came out and was alone but then felt "excited" that she had walked to the cafeteria alone. Oh, to have been a fly on the wall in those hallways!

I'm so proud of that kid!! I can't wait to hear her side of it all.

Two Things

2010-10-03T20:06:00.004-04:00

First: I wish the dog wouldn't let the cat eat her (the dog's) food.

Then: At the mall the other day. there was a small stout woman with a bun of black hair on the back of her head near the top. Lulu, from atop her dad's shoulders, said this: "Yep. There's an Oopma Loompa." Then she said, "You don't see that every day."

I am usually sensitive to people's feelings and try to gently correct my children when they say something that could hurt someone's feelings, but OH MY GOSH! I had to laugh. A. The woman didn't hear her, and B. Lulu's observations, both of them, were very, very astute. And hysterical!

What socially insensitive thing have you done recently?

Sorry

2010-09-28T09:59:00.005-04:00

I know you're anxiously waiting for the next installment of Bel's Writing Adventure, but my in-laws are here and the Follies director is getting all anxious about the multimedia stuff I'm supposed to be working on and honestly, I haven't had a chance to write much. I promise, though, that as soon as I have something new to share, I'll bust out my keyboard and let you know. Okay?

Now, in the meantime, does anyone know how to get a Sn00kie hair bump without one of those hair bump thingies? I need to know by 1:00 today.

Thanks!

Day 5 – Trudging Forward

2010-09-25T12:36:00.000-04:00

Day 5: I did what I wanted to do; I rewrote the opening scene with her husband instead of her friend. It was not a difficult task to change the relationship and may have actually helped make the story more coherent. What is missing from the original relationship, though, is the emotion a person would feel if the partner that person had abandoned suddenly and unexpectedly showed up. How would she feel? What should she do? Does she still love him? What should she do about still loving him (or not)? This is my new challenge, and by challenge I mean thing I cannot readily and easily do, but it needs to be addressed to some extent in the beginning. So I printed the pages of rewritten material and will be performing literary plastic surgery with my pen over the weekend. I may or may not wear a surgical mask…

Since I was finished, then, thinking about this less-miserable mess of words, I pulled out my other story and went to work on the fantastic notes Septembermom had given me. I’ve added a paragraph and a couple of words here and there based on her recommendations, and it’s really coming along.

And then I found myself wandering through my house muttering, “Mud room… Front hallway… Wavy blonde hair…” and wondered if other writers talk to themselves as much as I do while they’re working. I actually wondered this out loud.

So? Do you?

(Next – Day Next: Dealing with dinner…)

Day 4, in which I consider whether it might not be the best idea to count the days.

2010-09-24T01:48:00.001-04:00

I was thinking, are you really going to care what day it is when it’s day 627 and I blog about changing the word “and” on page 3 to “but”? Are you still going to be with me in a year-and-a-half? A girl can hope… But if not, I’ll just pretend you are and it’ll be just like now.

I was also thinking that you might be more interested in the changes I make to my gelatin-dessert-like mass that I’ve been referring to as a story, if you knew a little bit about it. Here’s a one-sentence summary for you:

A man tries to convince a woman to return to the family she abandoned.

You totally want to read it now, right? Yeah. No you don’t. But please do read this.

Day 4: I rewrote the pivotal dialogue at the end of the story. Originally it had been between the woman and a male friend, but I rewrote it, just to see, so it’s between the woman and her husband. I’m chewing on that now. There is definitely more opportunity for tension and conflict if the man is her husband rather than some random old friend. I think next I’ll try rewriting the beginning this way next and see what we get. Also, there is a bunch of stuff in the middle that is unnecessary to the story. It’s weird to chunk out big portions of your writing and just discard them, but it’s totally necessary sometimes. Changing the character will definitely make this easier.

And it feels like progress. It doesn’t look like much. But it feels like it.

(Up next: Day 5: more of the same…)

Writing a Terrible Wrong (Day 3)

2010-09-23T07:22:00.000-04:00

(you can read about Days 1 & 2 here).

Day 3: The typing is done. Finished. Fine (that’s “feenay” fine – it means end). The wretched text now resides in my “Working” folder. Whew! I didn’t do a ton of rewriting after I shook myself awake from the jaded trance I was in. Mostly I thought more about what the story is about and wrote a description of my protagonist, which, for some reason, didn’t include what she looks like… Sigh… Oh well. Something to do for Day 4.

Then I gave my other story, the one Talented Bel wrote 12 years ago, a once-over and rewrote the paragraph I shared with you to make it flow better (among other things). Now it says:

Her mother called to her from the porch. “Hi, honey.” She was standing on the top step with her hands hanging at her sides. She looked like she was trying not to wave.

It’s still not quite right, but I think that’s better, don’t you? Unfortunately I sent it to Septembermom to read before I changed that sentence… Kelly? Note the change, okay?

Day 3 wasn’t fantastic, but it wasn’t a bust. Right? I’m still going!

(Coming up: Day 4: Transformation! HAHAHAHAHAHA! Yeah right.)

Because I Know You Want to Hear All About It But Are Too Shy to Ask...

2010-09-22T10:59:00.002-04:00

I've got this miserable pile of random words that I half refer to as a story. I wrote about it a couple of days ago. Remember? Click here if not.

My plan now is to turn the stinky heap into something readable, and I am dragging you along on this tedious and painful journey. Welcome. And enjoy.

Day 1: You already know that Day 1 involved me giving up on the thing before I revisited my breakfast or melted into a puddle of inadequacy tears (yeah huh it’s a real thing!).

Day 2 (not consecutive days): I took on the role of the much needed unpaid intern and began just typing the stupid thing into Word. While I was typing, I did what any good unpaid intern would do, I silently criticized the awful unfocused-ness that I was wading through and thought about all the ways I could improve it. I didn’t get all the way through the “data entry” part of the chore yet, but when I had to set it aside to go pick up my girls from school, I took along my notebook and wrote down all the things that I, as my other self, had thought about while trying not to fall asleep on my keyboard. Things like: Who are the characters? Which of them are necessary? What are their actual roles? Should I change the setting (seriously thinking about this)? What is the point of the story (seriously wondering this too)? It felt like progress.

Then, having exhausted the literary journal full of short stories I’d been reading in the carpool line, I had quickly printed a story I’d found online to read instead. I just found it and printed it, not really looking at what it was about, just to have something to read. It turns out (you’re going to say, “No way!”) that it’s about the same thing as my “story.” Except that it takes place in Turkey, and even if I do change the setting of my story, it won’t have my protagonist in Turkey. Because I’ve never been to Turkey. Oh, and it’s been done. But I asked the same questions about this story that I had been thinking about with my story. Maybe this will encourage my words to get themselves in order and make sense, instead of swarming like rats in a sewer.

(Coming up – Day 3: More typing. Whee.)

I Need a Deadline, I Think

2010-09-21T10:49:00.001-04:00

This whole being a grown-up and writing for my job thing isn’t going very well. For a couple of reasons. One is, you know, Follies, which is way easier to think about and work on than the stuff I get to claim all for myself. If something doesn’t work in Follies, I’m not the director and can look around like “Whose idea was that?”, and the congregation will appreciate the effort anyway.

The other is that I don’t have anything to be working toward so I don’t quite know what to be working on. It’s kind of like when I first stopped eating meat and was all unfocused and, “Well what do I eat now?” and my friend A-ME suggested I get a vegetarian cookbook, which gave me direction (the direction was just finding a vegetarian cookbook at first, but it was enough) and now I eat pizza with artichokes! Mmmm…

Sorry. Where was I going? Oh yeah…

I have several projects, new and old, that I rifle through every day. A little bit here. A word or 2 there. But I can’t seem to stick to anything. And when I get really uninspired I write something else not useful. The other day? I wrote a description of the back of my hand. Seriously.

I don’t have writer’s block. That would be easier to deal with, I think, because it’s a real problem real writers have and can’t just be chalked up to laziness or apathy. I do well with a goal, though, a deadline, a due date. But where do you get one of those when nobody is waiting for your work?

One of My Favorite Things

2010-09-16T13:15:00.002-04:00

Hi! Guess what! On Tuesday? This last one? The 14th, you know?

Follies rehearsals started!! Yay for Follies rehearsals!!

This year we have 30+ cast members at the start. The actual number will change as people drop out and whatever like they always apparently do, which last year allowed for the new upstart to pad her part until she had the most memorable role in the whole play (read about that here if you've forgotten). I had a hand in writing the show and in some of the multimedia stuff (which didn't get as big a laugh at the first rehearsal as I'd hoped it would, but people were distracted...); that's called "being on the production team." And the director is trying to get my character into every scene. Every scene. You know me. I don't mind.

Pete is in it with me this year. Since I helped with the script, I was able to write her a little recurring gag part that is going to be a big hit, I think. She's anxious, but I think that's because the little bit of "acting" she's done before involved, at most, 30 minutes of rehearsal on a Sunday morning right before the service in which she portrayed a (fantastic) bunny or a school child playing hopscotch (she was the only one who did the 1-2-1-2-1-2-1 right). She'll feel better about it in time for the show. I'm hoping she'll be bitten by the acting bug because that can be such a confidence booster!

The only problem is that it's hard to focus on what I'm supposed to be doing and not spend the day searching the internet for props and costumes... I already bought a mustache... :D

First I Called Windows a Bad Word...

2010-09-15T13:28:00.003-04:00

Here's a little bit of Random and Uninteresting for you.

This morning I was sorting through my floppy disk files again, looking for the little poem I'd seen the other day that I thought I might clean up and enter in Cheerios Spoonful of Stories contest next March. I didn't find what I was looking for, but I did find a folder containing a file that I didn't want to keep so I told Windows to delete the unwanted folder, which was living inside another more important folder with all my files from the floppy disks on it. And Windows said, "You want I should permanently delete this large, full, important folder that contains the other little useless folder?" And I said, "Sure!"

...

Then I said, "Oops." That was when I called Windows a bad name, but right after that I thanked Windows for not living in a vacuum and not really meaning permanent when it said "permanent."

Then I spent the next 2 hours recovering my files. That didn't go so well, but the upside of the bungled recovery process is that I now have 1 - 3 extra copies of everything I had deleted. Ever. From my flash drive. I'm calling it quits for today, I think.

LL Says:

2010-09-14T10:17:00.002-04:00

Breakfast Conversation in Bel's Kitchen

Lulu: I've been practicing, Mom!
Me: Practicing what, Lulu?
Lulu (tucking her little fist into her armpit and pumping her elbow up and down): ARM FARTS!

Bet you wish you ate breakfast with us!

Hi. I'm Bel. And I'm a Moron...

2010-09-09T19:13:00.004-04:00

Now you say, "Hi Bel," and I'll share my story.

Remember I mentioned the floppies with all my stuff from when people still stored stuff on floppies (I'll get back to the floppies in a minute)? And then, I mentioned I finished my story? Right? You're up to date, right? Okay, well, when I went to transfer my story from the notebook I had written it in to the computer so I could actually edit it, I discovered that it is so completely boring that no one will want to read it. I know. I know. It is literally the first draft and is a LOOOOONG way from being done. But it was so boring that I couldn't even TYPE it. It made me really uncomfortable. REALLY uncomfortable. I think I might need to hire a nonjudgmental transcriptionist to type it for me so I can look at it again. Except they would have to work for free... Because I don't make any money in my job (as the World's Greatest Mom)... Maybe an intern...

So I was so miserable and doubt-ridden that I thought it best to just put the mess aside and look for something else to work on. What I found (among the floppy documents) was a story I wrote in 1997. 1997! And it was pretty good. It needed a lot of work, but it has way more potential than my more recent stuff (I teared up when I got to the end - and I wrote it!). So I edited it and sent it to the Grandpa and Meme for input and will continue to edit it (right - boring again - you get it - moving on - sorry).

Here's the moron part: 13 years ago, my sentences didn't all start with "Suddenly" or "Then he" and they didn't all end with some phrase that TELLS the reader what they're supposed to know or think. There was way more showing and giving and flowing-of-words and action, all good things for a story to contain when a writer trusts her reader. Here. Read this:

Her mother called to her. “Hi, honey." She was standing at the top of the front porch steps with her hands hanging at her sides. She looked like she was trying not to wave.

Right? Simple, not perfect but "She looked like she was trying not to wave"! I haven't written a sentence like that in more than a decade, I don't think. "She looked like she was trying not to wave"! Where did that come from? I know I wrote it. I remember getting all teary the first time I wrote the end of the story so I must have written the middle, right? What happened to the part of my brain that wrote stuff like that? It's gone... No... It's turned off... No... It has ATROPHIED! That has to be it, right? RIGHT? (just say, 'right' - I'm sorry for grabbing your shoulders and shaking you just then)

So what has happened to me in the past 13 years to allow my brain to stop functioning, Let's explore this together...

I finished school, which led to less having to write on a regular basis and fewer challenging discussions with peers. Hmm...
I moved in with Husbandguy and got married (yes, in that order), which led to more time in front of the TV and fewer challenging discussions in general. Hmm...
My best friend and I had a falling out and then she moved away and we're still only moderately in touch (hi, PSP!).
I had a series of low-level, non-creative jobs, which involved no writing or challenging discussions, and which I quit or was fired or laid off from. The quitting allowed me opportunities to write resignation letters at least...
I had 2 children, which led to reading way more books with illustrators included in the "by" and fewer books discovered while randomly scanning someone else's bookshelf. Hmm...
I didn't write. Not even letters or journals, and recently not even emails longer than a sentence or 2. Until I started my blog, which has gone up and down in creativity and quality. Hmm...

MedlinePlus says that atrophy can be reversed with exercise if it's caused by not using the muscle, and that seems to be the case here, even though the brain isn't technically a muscle...

Hey! Now you've got something to look forward to! Just imagine! In [insert lengthy time period here], after much "exercising" (writing and also writing), I'm going to be an interesting and compelling writer again. And then we can all sigh a big sigh of relief and enjoy my recovered brilliance together. Hang in there!

Please...

Today I Am Wondering

2010-09-08T11:13:00.004-04:00

How to make a boring dialogue-driven story into something compelling to read.
Whether the story is actually compelling.
If it is possible to lose talent!
Whether we've scheduled Pete for too many activities this fall (it's really only Tuesdays that are full...).
Why it has to be 90º+ after Labor Day.
Whether 2 Honey Buns and 3 cups of coffee is really a good breakfast.
Whether Lulu's potty regression is only because of all the changes in her little life or if she needs a doctor.
Whether Pete's warts will clear up before her self esteem suffers and/or before Follies.
Who's going to clean this house.
Why I'm not motivated to work on my story (maybe see the first bullet...).
What I could work on instead.
How to work on the computer but stay offline.
Will our "free" roof really be free?

So Bel, How's the New Career Going?

2010-09-07T12:55:00.003-04:00

Right? That's what you're wondering, right? Well, I'll tell you...

Last week was the girls' first full week of school and the week I had intended to start really writing every day. I did manage to squeeze in a little writing a couple of the days, and I read every day (a celebrated new addition to my daily schedule that involves being 30 minutes early for car-pool), but with volunteering and doctor appointments and procrastination, I didn't have ~~time~~ ~~energy~~ initiative to really start. [insert your very own random but valid excuse here - it'll be just as good as mine would be]

But guess what! Today, after I got home from the grocery store (crazy Real Life!) I finished the short story I've been working on for months. Go me! Now, when I say "finished" I mean that I got to the end of it, of the first draft. I do not mean that anyone will be allowed (or want) to read it. It's a mess. It's a confuddlement. It's terrible. YAY! Yay for very first, very rough, very finished drafts. And tomorrow I think I'll transfer it from my composition book, where it lives now because I knew I'd be more likely to finish it and not just editeditedit, to the computer so I can edit, edit, edit. Then maybe someone can read it... By January... We'll see...

Have you started any new big projects/chapters in your life recently?

Hey! Don't I Owe You One More for April?

2010-09-07T04:11:00.001-04:00

The Hoodeler

He doesn't hide under your bed at night.
Oh, wait a minute
That's not quite right.
It's safe to say, I would guess,
If he lives in your closet
It's under duress.
You'll hear him always
In some other room
Hoodeling, hoodeling
Sounds of doom
You'd better look out
Once you're in his sights.
With razor claws and mad animal's bite,
He'll make you wish
(You'll be filled with fright)
That the Hoodeler
Was Hoodeling
Elsewhere tonight.

(The real Hoodler was my mom's and my cat, Vinnie, a large, orange fluffball with enough Maine coon cat in him. He made this little noise when he walked around the house that didn't really fit with his giant size. It sounded like "hoodlehoodlehoodle." He was actually a gentle doofus and couldn't fill anyone with fright.)

I'm So Glad I'm Not 20 Anymore!

2010-09-06T16:01:00.003-04:00

This week I started sorting through all the stuff I pulled off of the floppies I have from when I was young and creative and prolific. Apparently I was also dramatic and passive aggressive and needy, too, because, included with the real Hoodeler poem (the not-real one is here, I'll post the real one tomorrow) and the scary short I wrote for composition class about a home invasion, are "love" letters to my high school boyfriend. Our 3-year relationship ended when I moved here from there, and apparently I took it really hard, harder than I seemed to believe he was taking it. I can't remember if I sent him any of these letters that I wrote him on my old Smith-Corona word processor (and saved, for some reason). I hope not. If I did, no wonder he was glad to be rid of me!

Another One About Growing Up

2010-09-03T18:41:00.003-04:00

My 4 year-old uses air quotes. And she uses them correctly to indicate that the term she is using doesn't mean exactly what it sounds like.

My 8½ year-old was so brave at the doctor today. He wanted to treat the warts on her chest that her pediatrician hadn't frozen the other day, and he admitted it would be uncomfortable. Pete, at first, refused, covering the little patch with both hands. I offered my hand and told her it would be over quickly, but she still refused. After he explained, though, that it would be uncomfortable to treat them but without treatment they would never go away (I wish I could remember what he said exactly because it was really great), she unclenched her fists from each other and extended her hand to me and took a deep breath and toughed it out. I was so very proud of her.

sigh... no more babies...

Me? Really?

2010-09-02T07:40:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I said this, "Laurie Halse An-GASP! I WON A T-SHIRT!"

Check it out.

I never win anything! I guess I can't say that anymore...

Not Cool Enough for School

2010-09-01T13:34:00.003-04:00

The weather, I'm talking about. It's supposed to be in the mid 90's all week (it's Wednesday - so far, so good), and that is just too hot for school. It's September today, for goodness sake. That's not what this post is about though. It's really about school. And little people who are uncertain about whether they want to be there.

Lulu has had 2 days of school. According to the one of her teachers I keep bumping into, she is having a great experience. And immediately after school, Lulu expresses the same thing. As she was climbing into the car yesterday afternoon, she said, "I had so much fun today, Mommy!" but by the time I pulled away from the curb, she couldn't remember what had been so fun, and by the time we left the parking lot, she didn't like school anymore. Then she proceeded to reminisce, the whole way home, about what it had been like when I picked her up from school last year and we went home and had a snack and waited for Pete to get home on the bus. "I wish I could go to my old school again," she said. As fantastic as that experience was for both of us, it's time to move on and grow up and learn the 7's times tables and to write in cursive (oh wait, that's later...).

Fortunately, being Lulu, she hasn't had any trouble making friends or finding someone to play with on the playground. Her teacher said a few of the bigger girls drag her around with them when they're outside. I commented that that would probably change as Lulu gets more comfortable and that she'll eventually be the one calling the plays.

But (hopefully I'm not kidding myself) I think Lulu is missing being with me, just hanging out, doing whatever, Mommy's monkey. I miss that too. It's a lot quieter around here, and after the busy of this week and the shortness of next week, which is only a 2 day week with the holiday and teacher workdays, it's going to be really strange here. I imagine I'll go through a little remember-when-ing too. Probably right about the time Lulu gets used to it all.

Warts and All

2010-08-31T13:41:00.004-04:00

This past week, Pete has been complaining about the little bumps on the back of her hand and some more popped up on her face around her mouth and chin and seemed sort of inflamed. Pete is growing up, in some ways too fast but I'm not going into that because creepy people search the internet for topics like that and EW!, so Husbandguy and Pete and I looked closely at the bumps to be certain she didn't just need to wash her face better, and we all decided that they weren't pimples. I wanted to take her to the doctor yesterday, but that was Lulu's first day of real school (it went really well - more about that later) and I wanted to be available for Lulu, so I took Pete this morning.

She seemed kind of keyed up. I don't know if she was nervous or excited or relieved, but she was loud and silly and adorable on the way there and while we waited for the doctor. Turns out she's got some warts, what we suspected. Not the kind you see on Halloween witches (those are called filiform), but just some everyday flat warts. The doctor recommended we see a dermatologist about the ones on her face, but she went ahead and froze the rest of them (she had some on her knee!). The doctor brought in a steaming cup with a cotton swab poking out of it, and Pete said, "What's that hot liquid in the cup?" The doctor explained that it was actually cold (she even said, "really cold q-tip"), and I launched into an explanation of liquid nitrogen that was probably totally unnecessary. Poor Pete! Apparently liquid nitrogen really hurts when it comes in contact with your skin. Pete was very brave, though. I can say that even though she complained and cried and tried to refuse treatment because she ultimately held my hand and counted with me and let the doctor kill the warts on her fingers and hand and knee. Then she got a bunch of Bugs Bunny bandages and I took her to lunch at the salad place she likes, where she tried to eat without bending her fingers.

Then she went back to school with her battle scars and wondered if she would be able to get out of doing a lot of work since she couldn't bend her fingers well and probably couldn't hold a pencil. She did say that she thought she might be able to turn pages...

Empty Nest

2010-08-30T11:50:00.002-04:00

I know that the usual definition of the Empty Nest involves grown children going away-away to college or whatever, but it occurs to me that perhaps there should be another use for the term: to describe the experience parents have when their youngest (or only) little monkey joins the rest of the big kids in big-kid school, all day, M - F, fall - spring. That's me. That's what has happened here today. It is very strange. And a little liberating. And a little sad.

After I kissed Lulu goodbye and told her to have fun and watched her walk away with her teacher, I swallowed hard and then found all the other parents who were hovering around coffee and muffins in the media center (we call this the boo-hoo breakfast). I didn't cry, but I did have to swallow hard a few more times.

When that was done, my mind was full of all these things I could do with the rest of my free day: write, read, clean out my car, clean the living room, clean the girls' rooms, go shopping, play on the internet. I opted to go shopping. By myself. And not even look at the toy section or the little cluster of shelves where everything costs only $1. And I bought a candy bar, just for me, that I'm not going to have to share or justify or get someone else something just because I got something. I haven't eaten it yet, but it has been added to my to-do list.

Now I'm playing on the internet and seriously thinking about adding clean the litter box to my list. I could run around and do all those other things on my list (I will probably spend an hour later working on my story), but I think today I'll goof off and do what I want and start my life as a monkey-less grown-up tomorrow. Or the next day...